Review of Madison’s finest living establishment

It's all in the name, folks

· Oct 25, 2022 Tweet

Elliot Moormann/The Badger Herald

October means many things to University of Wisconsin students — midterms, Halloween and the football team having to explain another loss. But most importantly, October is the time of year for freshmen to sign a lease for an apartment, or risk social sabotage by being a sophomore in the dorms.

Madison has multiple fine living establishments that UW students are obsessed with, specifically the Sigma Theta Delta frat house — STD for short. Many esteemed brokers and realtors have unanimously agreed STD is by far the most ideal place to call home.

A team of journalists spoke to Ben Dover, an STD business finance major, to get a first hand account on some of the luxuries that come with living in the frat house.

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“I mean like, ya bruh, this shit is dope I guess,” Dover said. “But we sometimes, like, run out of milk and shit and have to eat our cereal with beer.”

Dover, along with other frat brothers, Conner and Brad, revealed some of the most appealing amenities within the house, and why this piece of property on Langdon Street is superior to any other living situation.

“Bro, we threw an epic get-together before the Illinois game and our ratio was, like, epic,” Connor or Brad said. “Bro, everyone was pounding that liquid breakfast.”

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Our journalist team had to “enter through the back” to fully understand why anyone would step foot in STD.

Business majors within the house were using the kitchen sink as a urinal, and the toilet seat as a cheese board. The most distinguishable feature was the garbage can that looked like the most impressive game of Jenga ever played. The single couch in the living room with mystery stains added an admirable touch. Unfortunately, no consensus could be reached as to what these stains were.

These esteemed men pay thousands of dollars a year to consider Thursday as part of the weekend and to use a five-in-one product in the shower. When asked about the putrefied smell in the basement, frat brother Conner — or maybe Brad? — explained, “bro it’s prolly a pledge bro.” Upon further investigation, it was not a pledge. It was, in fact, a piss stain on the wall.

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Some might wonder why they should pick a frat house like STD over Lucky’s or Regents Apartments, but the answer is simple — those other living establishments don’t have the homey ambiance of the sticky floors that make it feel like you’re walking on double sided tape.

Nothing says “honey, I’m home” like stacked pizza boxes from last week’s party with a single slice of stale crust in them. And lastly, these other apartments just don’t have STD’s sophisticated wall decor — aka numerous “Saturdays are for the boys” flags held up by push pins.

Sigma Theta Delta is by far the most ideal place to live when attending UW. For further information on leasing, please use the contact information below.

(608) 699-6969

[email protected]

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This article was published Oct 25, 2022 at 6:45 pm and last updated Oct 25, 2022 at 6:45 pm

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