Every student in Madison has surely seen Van Hise Hall. Stretching up 241 feet skyward, it towers over Madison as the tallest building on campus and the 51st tallest educational building in the world. Visitors to this colossal monument to language arts can enjoy a panoramic view of the isthmus.

But on the first floor exists a bathroom that fails to match up to the height of the building.

The mustard yellow hue of the Van Hise restroom creates a piss-colored glow, inciting additional excretions and a very uneasy environment for bathroom goers.

Craps on campus: Making a splash at the ScatatoriumCoordinates: [43.07, -89.42] Altitude: 263 meters above sea level The Natatorium is a hub for active Badgers. Amenities such as Read…

The uneasiness continues due to the bathroom’s highly permeable one-ply toilet paper. In my experience, Van Hise’s sheets are some of the worst I’ve used, leaving users praying after each wipe.

The bathroom’s size is one of its only good features. An entirely separate room exists for both the sinks and the toilets. Each stall also has ample leg room, which allows for some comfort despite the generally poor environment.

Craps on campus: Disastrous defecations beneath Van VleckCoordinates: [43.07, -89.40] Altitude: 213 meters above sea level Deep in the dark depths of University of Wisconsin’s department of Read…

The defining feature of the Van Hise bathroom is its large amounts graffiti on the stall walls. This is rare for a campus bathroom, as the school does a pretty good job of clearing away poopers’ doodles and sketches. The standing tags in Van Hise are actually quite pleasant and manage to add both entertainment and encouragement for the crapper.

Patrick Ronan/The Badger Herald

It’s always nice to read that “you’re fabulous” or that someone is “here for you no matter what,” even if it is while pooping.

Patrick Ronan/The Badger Herald


Traffic: Heavy during middle of day

Stalls: Four spacious stalls

Toilet Paper: Weak one-ply sheets

Sinks: Five manual faucets

Hand Dryers: Two Xlerator air dryers

Cell-Service: Complete dead spot for cellular data

Toilet Flush Mechanism: Manual levers

Graffiti: Large amounts of doodles and messages in each stall

Overall Rating: 3/5