There are a lot of rightful calls to end sexual harassment. Voices across campus and in The Badger Herald have demanded the end of uninvited touching, catcalling and unreturned advances. The message I hear from them is largely humanitarian — that we are all human, that we all deserve respect. A culture in which power can be freely and unjustifiably exerted over others is incredibly harmful; I can imagine few would disagree. However, it’s also important that we recognize respect should remain unwavering for those who are harassed, despite what their response to harassment may be.

Public opinions on harassment have created a framework defining how women are expected to respond when strangers approach and speak to them: blow them off and don’t allow strangers to come at you with shallow comments. These opinions frame advances and remarks from unfamiliar men as invasions and unacceptable objectifications, threatening to them as individuals and to women in general. As a result, women’s responses to harassment are supposed to range from silent rage to shrugging it off to publicly expressing detest.

Readers may be left to assume that allowing a man to tell you you’re hot without asking about your hobbies and interests first is an attack on gender equality. However, it’s important we address that negative reactions to objective comments or other advances, while certainly justified, are not expressions required to make you a good feminist.

The conversation on sexual harassment needs to acknowledge the damaging effects of suppressing free expression of those who are targeted. By taking away people’s ability to respond organically to advances, we silence them and further strip them of power over their own body. Bodies of men and women alike deserve autonomy, and their actions should not be judged just because they may not match our own.

Much of sexual harassment isn’t black and white. It’s an issue that lives largely in the blurred lines between flattery and offense. It’s relatively common to see a strong negative reaction when a stranger slaps a woman’s ass while telling her to get down on her knees ­— most people neither appreciate nor tolerate that sort of intrusion. But harassment, catcalling, touching — whatever you want to call it — is not typically clear-cut and is a different experience for everyone.

It may be difficult to speculate how you’ll feel when a light, yet intentional, hand finds your lower back, pulling your person in close to have a comment about your incredible body whispered in your ear. Are you supposed to be mad? Are you allowed to accept the compliment? While some are disgusted, others may be flattered. The expectation of a negative response quiets the expression of those who remain unoffended, stripping their ability to freely be themselves. In this way, by expecting women to react negatively to sexual harassment, we, as a society, shift the blame of harassment from the harasser to the woman who did not respond negatively to the situation.

We have seen a similar situation occurring with the issue of slut shaming. We largely agree slut shaming is not adequate justification for harassment, concluding the root of harm lies not with a girl’s choice to wear a miniskirt but with the guy passing vocal and sometimes loud judgment on her. In the same way, people who harass are perpetuating harassment, not the women in miniskirts. People who harass are perpetuating a culture of disrespect, not women who allow or enjoy their advances. Negative responses to all advances are not required to prove commitment to gender equality and basic human decency.

While every individual has the right to take offense and respond in a way that reflects their disgust, it’s critical each person is shown the respect and autonomy to respond according to their own personal boundaries and preferences without judgment. Not every comment, touch and look can be cut-and-dry categorized as friendly or harassing, as things that offend one person may not have the same effect on another. No one is required to tell off someone who comments on his or her body to remain an ally to feminism. You don’t even have to dislike it.

Those who are catcalled have every right to tell off the asshole that harassed them, and equally hold the right to take that asshole home to consensually and mutually objectify them in return. Judgment must not be placed on a target’s freely expressed response. It’s important we encourage individuals to explore where their own boundaries lie and support them even when their reactions would not match our own.

Jen Small ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in psychology.