For the first time since the days of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and high top fades in the early ’90s, Dunkin’ Donuts will be here in Madison, as reported by the Wisconsin State Journal. Dunkin’ Donuts? More like Dunkin’ Go Nuts! Because that is exactly what I’ll be doing.
From the Saturday morning “I was too lazy to put my Eggo in my toaster” doughnuts to the pre-class coffee before your 8:50, Dunkin’ delivers. Scholars maintain that doughnut shops in Madison are like Arnold Schwarzenegger, pretty weak … and popular with multiple women. With the exception of Greenbush Bakery and the especially delicious Krispy Kreme shop, finding a doughnut in Madison is close to Mission Impossible I, II and III with Tom Cruise, which is why I think Dunkin’ Donuts will be making a big splash in Madison this year.
To all those seasoned veterans of college (used loosely), who managed to keep relatively the same weight, with at least a year of eating garbage food under their belts that hopefully still fit, Dunkin’ Donuts will be gold. However, all you freshmen out there that will not be cooking much of your food, look out, one doughnut can turn into 33 pretty fast. Mind you, all of the beer and cheese here can also be rough on the waistline. But, with beach season coming to a close as my eight pack abs are losing their luster, you can always just wear a sweater in the fall or winter so that people will not think that your body is making you look fat, just your sweater is.
The man in charge of the big move to Madison is none other than Gary Gussel, the president of Travel Mart, Inc. He has acquired 10 potential store locations in the Madison area. If anyone is in touch with Mr. Gussel and could shoot him a text or tweet, I would like you to tell him to make sure that one of these shops goes where there is still a gaping hole in my heart, where the KFC and Taco Bell used to be on State Street. The only way I can think of replacing that cheesy chalupa wrapped in fried chicken, in calorie count, is with Dunkin’ Donuts’ Boston cr?me doughnut that will destroy your 3-mile run in one bite.
Another favorite Dunkin’ creation are those munchkins, which after their debut in The Wizard of Oz have come back to tantalize the people’s taste buds time and time again. They are the perfect mouthful of dough and sugar that keep you coming back for more until you realize that you have just engulfed a whole box and feel a little bloated, which is a small price to pay for the crazy party you just had in your mouth.
Although doughnuts do not support the healthiest of lifestyles, they fill a void that this town has not filled since MC Hammer didn’t let you “touch this.” Madison is a great campus, but this recent acquisition of some good ole ‘Merican food will make it even better; doughnut let anyone tell you different!
Hayes Cascia ([email protected]) is a sophomore with an undeclared major.
