If you’ve watched any TV over the last few weeks, you’ve probably seen Gov. Scott Walker’s new ad, titled “Promises Kept” (that’s not a joke). If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing it, don’t fret – I’ll be doing a play-by-play of the ad in this week’s column. If you want to watch the ad and follow along, grab your popcorn, get some candy, mix yourself a (strong) drink and pop a sedative. You’ll need it.
 

So without further ado, let’s set the scene. The ad begins with Walker, dressed nicely, but not TOO nicely, because he’s an everyman just like one of us, seated on the edge of a comfortable-looking black chair, but not too comfortable, because not everyone can afford a comfortable black chair, and Walker is just like one of us. The background is a sort of antique white that is almost as intensely boring as Walker’s Twitter feed. Across the bottom, the ad reads “Paid for by Friends of Scott Walker,” which I’d imagine is a very fun group of people to spend time with.  
 

Walker begins his plea with a completely meaningless comparison between asymmetric statistics. First, he tells us that in the three years before he took office, Wisconsin lost almost 150,000 jobs. As he says this, a helpful arrow that reads “under Doyle” points to the number of jobs lost. He then informs us that the unemployment rate has fallen to the lowest it’s been since 2008.
 

Let’s take a look at this. Are both claims true? Absolutely. Does what he says mean what he wants us to think it means? Kind of. The problem is that it’s a fundamentally asymmetric comparison. Comparing job growth to unemployment is like comparing apples to oranges – they’re both similar, but not necessarily comparable. A more accurate comparison, but one that Walker isn’t likely to make, would be this: “In the year before I took office, Wisconsin gained 12,700 jobs. In the year after I took office, Wisconsin lost 4,500 jobs. Also, remember that I promised to create 250,000 jobs”? Now, to be fair, claims correlating job creation to control of government are just that – correlation. There’s no proof that the elected official had anything to do with it. I could just as easily say that in Walker’s first 13 months in office, the rate of Packers Superbowl wins has declined by 100 percent per year. Statistics can be tailored to fit a message.
 

Walker now goes on to let us know that he balanced Wisconsin’s budget. True. But let’s not forget that the budget repair bill also stripped public employees’ collective bargaining rights and sparked the recall movement. Now, Walker helpfully makes it known that he’s held the line on property taxes. In fact, he quips, school property taxes have actually gone down. Lower taxes, you say?! Sign me up! What our beloved governor fails to mention, though, is that he also slashed hundreds of millions of dollars from public education. How impressive! I’m sure Wisconsin’s schoolchildren are thrilled. I sure can’t wait to pay higher tuition.
 

Hang in there, we’re getting close to the end. The following are the helpful phrases that appear onscreen to summarize our illustrious governor’s talking points: “More money into the classroom.” Impressive, considering the $800 billion in education cuts. “Protect our seniors.” While leaving future generations out to dry. “Saved thousands of jobs.” But lost thousands more.
 

Walker then tells us, “We can’t go back to the days of (dramatic pause) billion dollar deficits and double-digit tax increases.” I’ll give him that one. And finally, Walker asks us to help him oppose the recall and “keep moving Wisconsin forward.” Forward? Like progress? Like progressives? That can’t be right, can it?
 

Alright, that’s a wrap folks. Thanks for sticking with me (if you made it). I’m sure we’ll have plenty more of these to look forward to in the coming months.

Joe Timmerman ([email protected]) is a freshman majoring in math and economics.