I have to tell someone about this or I’ll explode so here it goes, I am SO horny for Grimace. Yes I am talking about that chunky, purple and delectable McDonald’s mascot. I can’t stop thinking about him, that smile, those meaty hands and those lustful eyes. I know how I feel but I’m too scared to tell anyone, especially since I am currently in a relationship … Tell me, what do I do with these forbidden feelings?
One word: Cosplay.
I’m a big podcast listener, and this write-in reminded me of something I heard a while back. In 2020, comedian (and UW alum!) Hannah Berner was a guest on the podcast “Call Her Daddy,” and she told a story about how she fucked Bucky Badger during her time as a student here.
When I first heard this, I assumed she meant that she fucked one of the men who dressed up as Bucky, but not while he was in costume. However, after reading about this reader’s feelings toward Grimace, I wonder if I assumed wrong. I wonder if Hannah Berner fucked Bucky Badger while he was wearing the Bucky suit. And, I wonder if this could be a solution for you. Could you have your partner try out for Bucky? This might solve your problem, if you’re willing to compromise for a badger instead of a monster.
How do I please my boyfriend? He’s really into feet but I have no experience with foot play.
Halloween is coming up, and I have your costume all figured out — you’re going to be a sexy toe. If your boyfriend has a foot fetish, seeing his lovely partner dressed like a foot in lingerie will be an experience I’m sure he will never forget. It may add to the excitement if you are also able to smell like a foot. Have you considered rubbing a nice pair of sweaty socks all over yourself? Write back after Halloween and let me know how this works out.
I’m on a swim team and I compete in backstroke. The thing is, I’m pretty well hung and a black speedo holds nothing back. So, my teammates have taken to calling me Shark Fin. The name is starting to catch on. What do you think? Should I tamp it down or make it a point of pride?
I actually have great advice for you. Step 1: Change your warm-up song to the “Jaws” theme song. Step 2: March out to the pool with confidence and chomp that competition. Good luck, Shark Fin.
Wordle players loot NYT headquarters after Wordle set as ‘GULLY’
No advice given in “Badvice” should be followed or taken seriously. Please don’t have sex in the Bucky suit or rub dirty socks on yourself. To submit a question to “Badvice,” click here.
