Apartment hunting at UW: The horrific reality

Whether you're a freshman living in shitty Witte or a sorority sister living in a never-noiseless house, everyone’s ready for a change of scenery

· Oct 19, 2021 Tweet

Survey says Madison apartments are top-notch.

It’s that *wonderful* time of year again! Everyone is scrambling to figure out where they’re going to live next. Whether you’re a freshman living in shitty Witte, or a sorority sister living in a never-noiseless house, everyone’s ready for a change of scenery and it’s time to make that easy, painless, drama free decision.

We all know everyone’s first pick is The James. I mean, who wouldn’t want a rooftop pool, sundeck, endless great views, two-star ratings, fake nice appliances and elevators that never work. It’s the cool kid of fake-nice-but-actually-super-shitty-and-over-priced apartments. But it’s also the rich kid too, and at this point, all you have is a 20 dollar bill and a condom wrapper in your wallet. So scratch The James and keep hunting.

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What about Lucky Apartments?!

It is at the center of campus and definitely not as costly as The James. If Lucky was a person, it would be the guy at the football game with the most school spirit — decked out, always cheerful and bright. The many colors and friendly faces are never-ending and you feel more at home than you ever have before. That’s why everyone is scrambling to fill out the application forms first. Before you know it, all hope of even maybe getting a lower-priced room is gone and you are back to square one.

Apartment hunting is tiring, so your last resort is to look at 453 W. Gilman. AKA, the place above the best place in the world — Cheba Hut. Is it a sign it might be sketchy because it’s above Cheba Hut? Absolutely. But it’s cheap and you have given up on trying anything else at this point.

It’s cozy and definitely has some interesting people living inside, but you’ll take it! It would be an interesting and fun experience, you convince yourself. 

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But when you go to check out your potential room, you almost get trampled on by several drunken people watching three homeless men Russian dancing on the countertop of the bar —remember, you are literally right above Cheba Hut — and so you realize this most definitely isn’t the place for you.

Finding a new home is hard work and finding a nice home is even harder. It’s a stressful time for everyone. So don’t be too upset if in your sophomore year you end up crashing on a different fraternities’ futons every night because chances are, you are not alone.

But in the meantime, happy hunting!


This article was published Oct 19, 2021 at 6:22 pm and last updated Oct 17, 2021 at 3:03 pm


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