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The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


Let me paint you a picture: Freshmen and their fakes

‘I paid good money for this. It BETTER scan,’ probably you freshman year
Emily Shullaw

Let me paint you a picture — Freshmen and their fakes.

The most likely reason you decided to click on this article is because you (as well as 98% of the other people reading this) owned or own a fake ID and know the thrilling and palm sweaty feelings that having one entails.

Yes, going to a fraternity or house party is great and you can enjoy all the same social activities that a bar encompasses, but something about buying a drink from a REAL bartender makes you feel more upscale and chic than ever before.


But let’s zoom in on a certain breed that uses these flimsy cards — freshmen.

Let me paint you a picture — It’s your first night out after moving into Sellery and you know everyone’s already buzzing about going to Sconniebar tonight at eight.

Cheating! We did it last year, let’s keep it going

The obvious first question is, what do I wear? It obviously can’t be something unsophisticated or childlike because you have to look like you were born in AT LEAST 2000.

You go to your trusty Pinterest account and find a cute look that really shouts “I am 21” — White converse, blue ripped mom jeans and a black, low-cut crop top that ties in the back. Perfect. I am ready.

You and the people you met three hours ago down the hall take a few quick selfies and rush down the stairs because the elevator is obviously broken (remember, you live in Sellery).

It’s an absolutely gorgeous night out and the walk to Sconnie’s is a trek, but you and your friends make it just in time before the big bustling crowd arrives. Only 50 people in front of you!

As you wait in line, your adrenaline is skyrocketing and your friends’ comments are not helping.

Do you think the bouncer’s gonna know? He looks so professional.”

“Will I get kicked off campus if they find out it’s a fake?”

“I heard someones got taken last year and they weren’t allowed into any bars for the rest of their college career.” 

Now the sweaty palms are really kicking in.

Baby Badgers: Gear up for Wando’s wars because the big bad sophomores are back

It’s finally your turn. You know you have to look contained and relaxed, so you put one hand on your hip and casually give the bouncer your ID while looking off into the distance.

Your heart is racing.

He knows. He knows. He definitely knows.

“Alright,” the bouncer says with a sigh, reaching for the next person’s ID.


I’m pretty sure you can conclude the rest of the night at Sconnie’s freshmen bar. The same ending that always happens in a place filled with flirty and horny teens.

Except for this time, you can buy each other drinks!

It’s funny to look back and laugh at these situations we were all in. These Sconnie’s nights are ones that we will cherish forever.

You meet some of the most amazing and interesting people in these environments, and it’s a great way to get out and make connections with super friendly people.

So freshmen, if you do end up seeing yourself waiting in an incredibly long line for Sconnie’s on Badger Barstool’s Instagram, you should be proud that you are now a symbol of the many freshmen that have once stood in the same line.

Cheers to you and your fake IDs!

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