Bumper stickers are like tattoos for cars. They’re gaudy, mighty tough to get off and, no matter how hard they try, rarely inspiring. We don’t need goofy “coexist” decals to inform us that the person doing a mean 45 MPH in the passing lane is against religion-fueled hatred and wars. Of course that guy’s against war. He’s driving a Saturn Ion.
And we’ve just about had it up to here — lower jaw area — with those wretched honor roll notifications. “Oh really, Mrs. Johnson? Tommy’s getting straight A’s in middle school?” Somebody call NASA. Or, if nothing else, call B.S. Just wait ’til he starts listening to rap music.
But parents, as a species, aren’t rational beings. After all, if they were, they would’ve put you up for adoption. Instead, they foolishly assume their child is The Great White Hope, with equal parts of Jim Brown, Barack Obama and Jesus Christ mixed in — although, interestingly, none of them are white. In Madison, this wide-eyed parental belief that their genes will save the world is best represented by discussions surrounding programming for gifted youngsters.
As reported Monday in the Wisconsin State Journal, some area parents are becoming increasingly frustrated with the Madison school district’s weak implementation of TAG programming. TAG, which stands for “talented and gifted,” is class instruction designed to challenge more advanced students, and forever lost its credibility when it became loosely associated with a canned body spray. According to the article, the school district currently has eight and a half positions devoted to pushing TAG programming forward, and that’s simply not enough to spawn effective change.
Fortunately, it’s not necessary, especially when dealing with elementary and middle school students. Try and tell 9-year-olds they’re gifted; they’ll listen, but only after a good nose-picking and two minutes of straight laughter stemming from a joke that incorporated the word “butt.”
By selecting certain children for more advanced learning tracks at an early age we create an aura of educational segregation, and although the idea might be to push forward a few, too often we’re simply pushing back others. Kids bruise easily, both on the playground and in the classroom, and if they see the administration weeding out the “smart” students, we risk seriously disincentivizing the rest of the class.
This isn’t to say we should work to hold children back, but if a large enough group of parents feel their child isn’t being challenged enough, this speaks to the district as a whole, not merely TAG programming — it also strongly suggests (probably) that too many uptight parents still don’t let their kids watch the Simpsons, and that’s a far greater injustice than a lack of Krelboyne classes. The baseline for students has sunk too low, to the point where instead of giving extra attention to the needy, we’re saving it for those too good for the system.
If a child really needs to be challenged by education, there’s a good reason to wait until high school. Most offer AP or honors classes, and by then, there’s less of a guessing game involved than trying to point out which fifth grader is smarter than us. Too often, education-obsessed parents forget that a majority of the learning children do in the lower levels of school involves developing social skills, manners and human interaction, not acing math handouts. As someone who spent his formative years playing “Cruisin’ USA” and mindlessly swatting mosquitoes in deep right field, I can attest that a lack of seventh grade initiative didn’t stop me from getting into a decent school. If we do a better job ensuring the average student gets a good education, many of these problems alleviate themselves. A rising tide lifts all boats, and unless you’re in New Orleans, that’s a good thing.
Even if you agree with nothing to this point, there’s still hope for conversion, and Monday’s WSJ article can act as gospel. After profiling one parent concerned with the state of TAG’s effectiveness, the article states: “her daughter used to come home from school in tears, frustrated from not being challenged enough.” Unless those are tears of joy, this is no longer our America.
Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in journalism.
