Pinpointing the most illogical part of the South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford story is like naming your least favorite Nickelback song. Each new piece you hear is crazier and more stupefying than the last. Serving as governor does not allow one to keep a low profile, and if the University of Wisconsin’s own Audrey Seiler taught us anything, it’s that when you disappear for a few days, you’d better tell the truth once you turn up.
On the one hand, it’s hard not to be impressed by the sheer brashness of Sanford — thinking he could play off a few days in Buenos Aires as a Thoreau-inspired stroll through the Appalachians. On the other, it’s because of people like him that state populations elect heroes such as Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and whoever else was in “Predator.”
The natural counterargument to anyone losing sleep over the Sanford fiasco is that he’s simply one man, foolishly given a political office by people who never should’ve been given a state. And to a degree, that’s correct. After all, the Confederate flag did spend 1962 through 2000 atop the South Carolina Capitol building. But while the circumstances behind Sanford’s situation might be unique, the underlying foundation is not. Sure, politicians have always lied, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future, but there’s an arrogance surrounding today’s more famous lies that does a disservice to the truly great?liars?
Think about what it took to tangle Nixon up in the whole Watergate scandal: An anonymous government insider, two ambitious reporters and enough secret tape recordings to make a celebrity porn site blush. In the end, if Nixon hadn’t been so paranoid about his misdeeds to hold on to everything he ever said, he’d probably be serving his eleventh term right now. This is what’s missing today: fear.
Mark Sanford was too arrogant to fear getting caught. If he were an old fashioned, paranoid Republican, he wouldn’t have spent so much time in the Cinnabon line at the Atlanta airport.
But this isn’t a Republican thing. It’s a shame Rod Blagojevich is yesterday’s news, because he’s a case study in political egoism. Defending your innocence on Letterman when the media has taped conversations flaunting your guilt shows either a serious lack of judgment or an utter disregard for the rest of humanity. I don’t know which category he falls into, but I hope it’s the one that ends with him appearing in “Celebrity Fit Club.”
We shouldn’t be outraged with politicians lying to us. To do that would be no different than feeling disappointed after a Bucks loss. We should, however, demand that our elected officials put effort into their deception. When they work hard to cover their tracks, it shows they care about what we think of them, and unraveling a well-crafted hoodwink leads to Pulitzer prizes and Oscar nominations. That’s pretty much a net gain.
Instead, they look to the Bart Simpson mantra of “I didn’t do it” and then once it’s proven that they indeed did do it, we’re left with nothing more than cable news coverage and more Lewis Black jokes. This is the road to ruin.
We should be upset with Mark Sanford, but not because he’s an idiot or a liar. We should be upset because he didn’t have the common courtesy to schedule a flight into a more remote area or that he couldn’t come up with a better excuse than how he was hunting down Sasquatch. We may be dumb, but we sure ain’t stupid, and it’s that disregard for the art of lying that will crush a political career.
Now quick, somebody see if Randy Savage owns a suit.?
Sean Kittridge?([email protected])?is a senior majoring in journalism.
