While Jesus’ beard, long hair and affection for Hacky Sack may peg him as your typical college student, the Bible — and a lack of 2,000-year-old universities — suggest otherwise. However, I’d like to think if the Son of God did go to college to become a carpenter, he probably would’ve attended a place like Madison Area Technical College. After all, woodworking is pretty technical, and we all know his dad was too uptight to help with tuition. So imagine how happy Jesus was last Friday when, fresh off a pick-up basketball game with Mother Theresa and the two dead Beatles, he looked down on earth and saw MATC had cancelled classes for the day. I bet he high-fived JFK and made a bad joke about how it was going to be a “Good Friday” (you’d laugh — it’s Jesus). But not everybody is laughing at what seems to be an innocuous day off, as the Freedom From Religion Foundation, Madison’s grumpiest constitutional watchdog, is readying a lawsuit quicker than you can moan, “Jesus Christ.”
Before we dive into how the FFRF isn’t really about “freedom,” let’s lay out the facts of the matter. Kids at MATC got Friday off. For Christians, Friday is known as Good Friday, the day Jesus died on the cross. Thirteen years ago, a federal judge ruled it was unconstitutional for the state to recognize Good Friday as a holiday. MATC is arguing the day off is part of the teachers’ union agreement, which calls for days off to grade tests and attend workshops. FFRF thinks it’s a bit too circumstantial and says the class-free Friday was in violation of the Constitution. You can decide what you think for yourself. Personally, I don’t care why I get days off — I just like sleeping in. If celebrating Charles Manson gave me a four-day school week, I’d be all for it.
But this isn’t about Charles Manson. Or even Jesus. This is about one local group’s absolute need to force their view upon the populous. FFRF claims to stand for the Constitution, but in reality, they only stand for themselves. Easily, the greatest aspect of FFRF is the name. Never in school were we taught the Bill of Rights offered Americans freedom from religion; instead, we are ensured freedom of religion. The difference is staggering. Freedom of religion suggests, no matter what God you choose to believe in, no one will threaten you for your beliefs. Or lack thereof. Freedom from religion, on the other hand, implies America is a country where religion simply doesn’t exist, like the old Soviet Union or Hot Topic. If I ran a group that claimed to defend the Constitution, I’d try to make sure the name didn’t need to bend the Bill of Rights to fit my goals.
This is not a situation that warrants a lawsuit from anyone. We’ve become far too sensitive to circumstances we don’t agree with, and we’ve apparently started letting too many people into law school. Whenever the courts get involved, it’s important to ask this question: Who was hurt? Obviously, the Christians weren’t, although Mass makes going to school look like Universal Studios. But even for people of other faiths, or people without faith, it’s difficult to see why this would be so upsetting. It’s a day off, damn it. There’s no need to dig for ulterior motives. Just go throw a Frisbee.
FFRF is built on fear. Like Marx, they believe religion is the opiate of the masses, and they will sue whoever it takes to ensure God is not seen in any public place nor spoken of by anyone who gets their paycheck from the state. I’ve never been one for monuments to the Ten Commandments outside of town halls or separate courts for Sharia law, but this is simply unreasonable. Although we’ve done a poor job showing it the last 230 years, America is, at its foundation, a country of tolerance. FFRF is an institution fueled by its own intolerance. You can argue all day over whether God is real, but I’m confident if he’s up there, he’s not trying to screw anybody over. Except maybe the Vikings.
To be blunt, you guys are like the fat lady who sues McDonald’s for making her fat. You have an unrealistic expectation of this country. America does not want to shut God out. America wants to let him in, along with Allah, Shiva and whatever Tom Cruise thinks is out there. For Christ’s sake, there are worse ways to spend time than praying, and I’ll give you one: filing lawsuits.
Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism.
