If you ever wondered whether scientists knew how to party, Monday night was your chance to find out (I like to think they serve drinks in beakers and play “pin the hydroxylysine on the glycoprotein”). On a day that will go down in lab coat-and-goggles history, President Barack Obama continued his “Undo Everything Bush Did ’09” Tour by lifting the federal funding limits on embryonic stem cell research. George W. Bush’s ban, which has done wonders to slow important research for the last eight years, was never very popular in the Madison area, as we claim to be the de facto birthplace of the stem cell — and the Steve Miller Band, which is far more morally objectionable — but there is little doubt this move will cause a national stir. Some will object that this is not a cause that deserves taxpayer funding. Others will cringe at the idea of scientists playing God. Rev. Jeremiah Wright will question why our bodies have so many white blood cells and so few black ones. But with new complaints from interest groups coming in faster than feminists to a Planned Parenthood grand opening, it’s probably time to either rule this stuff out as hot air or start finding ways to save our souls. After all, until science can cure the rapture, I want to make sure I’m playing my cards right.
Naturally, the first boo bird to call “fowl” — get it? — was the Catholic Church. Over the weekend, the Vatican newspaper, which is essentially two pages of editorial and a Family Circus cartoon, reiterated their stance that the research is “deeply immoral.” This is nothing new, as some embryonic stem cells are gathered from aborted fetuses, and the Vatican is notorious about not liking anything outside of one, Da Vinci; two, pointed hats and three, Zack and Cody. Moreover, it’s not the responsibility of the government to put any one group’s ideology over the lifesaving potential of this research. I’d go out on a limb and say that it’s “deeply immoral” to sit idle while people die of diseases that could be more easily handled with the assistance of stem cell research. Nobody is saying we should kill every firstborn and harvest their stem cells so the middle-aged can live forever, but if the technology and resources are available, the government has the right to serve the greater public good. Besides, who’d be crazy enough to say that?
Not to be outdone by the pious men in Rome, the Family Research Council leaned on conservative doctrine by saying, “Taxpayers should not have to foot the bill for experiments that require the destruction of human life.” Said to be one of the nation’s largest Christian political organizations, the FRC has long been against any sort of experimenting, which is why they also support abstinence-only sex education and creationism. But you’d think that if Nancy Reagan — the wife of Right Wing Jesus — supported embryonic stem cell research, you could maybe swing their opinions the other way. Unfortunately, they’re too morally sound to buy that, and I don’t blame them — she was his second wife. More to the point, our taxes get spent in an innumerable amount of poor ways and to single out this research is much more effective as a talking point than a real policy.
The third fear, which Obama already put to rest by saying it is “dangerous and profoundly wrong,” is cloning. Although it’s still probably more Star Wars-esque fantasy than tangible reality, it’s important to remember stem cell research is intended to aid and cure existing diseases in existing people, not to create a race of super-Americans. That’s what Michael Phelps was for, although we’d try to keep the super race out of South Carolina.
We are entering a brave new world, and it’s an exciting time to be in the scientific community. There are going to be some fears — both rational and irrational — and if I saw Newman with a hollowed out Barbasol can, I’d totally stay away from Costa Rica, but after eight years of waiting, progress can finally start at a reasonable pace. And with UW leading the way, it’s a great day to be a Badger.
Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism.
