The Colt M1911, the Heckler & Koch MP5, the Winchester Repeater and the Butter Burger. Do any of these items seem conspicuously out of place?

If you answered that the Heckler & Koch MP5 is not an American invention, huzzah my friend, the Union yet stands!

Americans, as a people, thoroughly enjoy their firearms; and why the hell not? Besides the matter of more than 30,000 deaths by firearms in 2006 alone, these nifty little devices have won us wars, enabled us to invade nations and helped to liberate millions from oppression all around the world in the 234 years since this great nation was founded.

It’s like signing a tiny brass-jacketed Constitution with every squeeze of the trigger. But you see, some would rather have nothing to do with firearms and the joy they bring to some individuals – say, people looking to enjoy their dinner at a Culver’s – and proud Americans are forced to make due by reevaluating the concept of bringing a loaded firearm into a crowded restaurant. It’s a damn shame.

Now, in case you missed it, on September 18, five armed men entered a Madison Culver’s location and proceeded to systematically wait in line, order, pay for their food and sit down to enjoy it in the company of fellow gun enthusiasts. As the men left the establishment, they were stopped by eight Madison Police Department officers who, acting on a tip from a concerned patron, asked the men for identification. Two refused, and were cited for obstructing a peace officer. Since then, the obstruction citations have been dropped, and now all five men are being charged with disorderly conduct. Now a group representing the men intends to bring a suit against MPD. There you go. Ta-da.

Now, most Wisconsinites are likely aware that we do not have concealed carry laws on the books in our state. We are one of only three states that explicitly prohibit the concealed carrying of firearms, the other two being Illinois and Nebraska. Terrible company aside, it personally struck me as odd to discover that so long as you don’t have a baggy sweatshirt over your piece, you can go just about anywhere in this state strapped.

Wisconsin is, however, one of 43 states that permit open carry, meaning you can pack heat anywhere but your car, at the daycare, on campus and anywhere that serves alcohol. Makes sense, right? Some however are not so easily convinced.

Wisconsin Carry, the group looking to aid the “Madison 5” as they’ve affectionately dubbed them, claims to be on the forefront of defending Wisconsinites’ right to bear arms publicly. Their website, in all its hyper-patriotic glory (though Lady Liberty seems awfully unprotected), provides legal information to its members, a forum in which stories of injustice done upon gun owners and open-carriers and advice on how to push for concealed carry legislation in our state. But besides the now nearly clich? Constitutional defense, there’s relatively little to substantiate the need for the average Wisconsin resident to waltz into the grocery store with a .357 to pick up some TV dinners.

Sure, one could make an argument for personal protection and the fact that crime is an issue wherever one may go in this country. But in this most recent case, it’s a Culver’s, not Bogota. When was the last time you got shook down for your wallet at a JCPenney? Never, you say? Fascinating.

Unless it’s deer season, most of Wisconsin will go about there business unarmed and, depending on who you talk to, vulnerable. But to encourage people to combat guns and crime with more guns is laughable at best.

Should these men be charged with disorderly conduct? Personally, no, I don’t believe they should be. But the city statute dealing with disorderly conduct stipulates that in order to issue the charge, no actual disturbance has to take place, merely that the conduct is of a variety that could cause a disturbance; in this case, scaring some poor woman enough that she felt compelled to call the cops.

Should Wisconsin residents be encouraged to lock and load before stepping out the door every morning? No…well…on second thought, custard does sound pretty good right about now.

Jake Begun ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism.