Every day tens, if not dozens, of albums are sold in record stores across America. And yet the average American musician represented by a major record label is forced to scrape by on only millions. Their only fault: Being born talented and with a marketable face. They are forced to criss-cross these United States in search of sustenance, peddling their wares hoping to provide for their backup dancers, many of which have never known the feel of a gold Jacuzzi filled with Dom Perignon or the simple pleasures of a personal jet. No one should have to settle for mere multi-platinum status. Won’t you help?

In recent years, the benevolent and wise executives at the Recording Industry Association of America have taken it upon themselves to combat the deterioration of the American entertainment industry’s luxury by taking the fight to the very doorstep of those who would stand in the way of such progress (read: your dorm room).

A recent provision of the Higher Education Opportunity Act, which among other things provides for greater access to federal education loans, protection against illegitimate diplomas and the support of underrepresented groups in American institutions of higher education, now enables the federal government to strip funding to universities who fail to take a proactive stance against illegal peer-to-peer file-sharing.

The use of university networks in the exchange of music and video files is no new phenomenon however. The University of Wisconsin had in recent years refused to forward the RIAA’s pre-lawsuit settlement notices to its students, opting instead to remind the students of university policy against such illicit activities. A number of cases were brought against students found to engage in this dastardly trade, yet time and again universities stood in the way of justice and protected their students, leading to a lapse in individual lawsuits by the RIAA.

This latest measure, however, strikes at the heart of those who would harbor or aid such criminals. Let’s see how these scofflaws and ne’er-do-wells enjoy their precious music when their universities cease to be financially anchored. No universities, no students, no piracy. How’s that for logic and reason? Those RIAA executives are truly a bunch of Kants.

It is to be expected that universities, for fear of lost funding, will take greater measures to combat such infringements of copyright law in order to better protect intellectual property. Among the measures specified in the legislation are the monitoring and reporting of bandwidth and enacting a policy to curtail further infringement. In the end though, unless the university can convince students that what has been arguably a perk of constant university network access is wrong and to be avoided, the RIAA, with the assistance of the federal government, can put a stop to such criminal activity.

So where is a student to turn for sufficient entertainment? Purchasing the entire Earth, Wind & Fire discography, however noble a pursuit, is no minor investment. There must be an alternative to piracy or poverty. The answer may rest with public domain.

Seventy years or so after the death of the author, the material, in this case music, enters a magical land open to fair use rules. Once under these rules, the intellectual property may be used for certain applications without the permission of the author. It’s like grave robbing with none of the guilt.

Who doesn’t love “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” or “You’re A Grand Ole Flag”? This music may be performed and enjoyed with limited restrictions. Students could get creative with this vast catalogue of hits. Have you ever heard a mash-up of “Happy Birthday” and “Camptown Races”? Nor have I, but this is only a taste of what awaits those who choose legitimacy over piracy, and all without harming the works of contemporary performers and artists.

So when an advance copy leaks or the appeal of torrents feels to be too much to bear, whistle a little tune and know that your service to this country and its millionaires is much appreciated and you’re doing your part to keep champagne corks airborne and rims chromed.

Jake Begun ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism and history.