You poor bastards. Hey, hey, no judgment — I’m right there too. Organic chemistry. The class where you find out that your parents are actually wasting money on a dumbass who can’t comprehend how carbon works.

That’s how I felt at least — oh what was that? Was that PAST TENSE??? FELT? That’s right, my friends. Just because we’re taking a class that literally has us questioning how the fuck we got into this university doesn’t mean that we have to be sad ALL the time!

I mean, sure, self-loathing and a need to punish yourself is an official pre-requisite when it comes to O-chem, but there are still many ways to get out of the dumpster fire that is your college experience right now! As a happy O-chem student myself, I’ll guide you with some of my tips and tricks on how to make sure that O-chem doesn’t ruin a perfectly good school year.

HEARTBREAKING: Junior tries on game day bibs for first time since freshman year, discovers they don’t fitJuniors! Cream of the college pandemic crop! Welcome back to Madison, game days, cup night, in person classes and actual Read…

One of the ways I cheer myself up on a bad O-chem day is to sit down and write a little bit, just for myself! My favorite piece so far is a letter that I wrote to my parents detailing how I’m ashamed to be their son, and how I’m even more ashamed that I’m about to switch my major to theatre arts!

This is probably my favorite form of escapism. Some people like to play video games, some people like to read, but I like to imagine a four-year plan that doesn’t include two semesters of organic chemistry plus a lab.

Another way to turn that frown upside down when O-chem has you down in the dumps is to just fucking drop out already. Bro, you know you don’t have what it takes. LMFAOOOOO people are getting As in this class and you’re out here taking 45 minutes to understand even one page of the textbook. Dumbass. And let’s say you actually do pass (lol), now what? You have TWO MORE YEARS of classes like that. Just give up.

Like not only do you have two more years of classes just like this one, but you’re also taking classes JUST LIKE THIS ONE NOW. You think you can take Chem and Physics at the same time when you can’t even take Chem and Bio at the same time? Just don’t be shocked when you graduate with a 2.2 GPA and no one will hire your dumb ass. So once again, I recommend — just drop out. Make this easy on yourself and your parents’ respect for you — drop out — drop — out.

Pre-gaming discussion sections: How to absolutely send it in 2021Ahhhh yes, 2021. This fall semester is a first for many Badgers out there. Not only is it the first Read…

One method that many of my classmates have started to really like is to cheat — hard. Who cares? Hack the professor’s laptop dude, IDGAF. If you want to stay in this course and keep your head above the water, you gotta ask yourself: are you willing to do whatever it takes?

No one is academically honest. Grow up. It’s not easy out here, so take what you can and fuck EVERYONE else.

“Ohhhhh but Lorenzo, that’s going to negatively impact the curve for all of the other kids” — EXACTLY. Idiot. I’ll take my A — I mean AB — I mean BC. The rest of you guys just need to realize that you should ditch the whole goodie-two-shoes role now that you’re on your own.

Also — snitch on me — I dare you — I hacked into the prof’s computer, I literally know where you and your family live. Your move, bucko.

So that’s how you stay happy in O-chem.

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