A recent campus survey identified the Daily Cardinal as a favorite entity among University of Wisconsin students. The survey, which recognized Van Hise toilets as a hotspot on campus, sought to highlight the most integral parts of student life.
“What can I say?” Junior Danny Poopko said. “The Daily Cardinal’s website is well-organized, their content is top tier and honestly — I just love birds!”
The survey produced several other campus staples that students simply couldn’t live without. The most popular items on the list?
Fresh’s produce selection
Bathrooms in Van Hise
Buck and Badger
The Humanities building
Vegetarian dining hall options
People who pronounce it “melk”
Check out the Top Five Most Fuckable Presidents to make your February the horniest month yetLadies and gentleman, what exactly is hotter than a president? Oh… a lot of things? Especially recently? Okay, fine, I Read…
The Daily Cardinal’s nomination came as a surprise to many, as the paper has historically been a lowly snore-fest. Students and faculty alike have recognized the organization’s evolution as a quality campus news source.
“They’re impressing me more and more everyday,” English professor Kerry Smush said. “The Daily Cardinal is really climbing the ranks — their articles are similar to Daily Mail … or those other fun Snapchat ones!”
The survey also contained a section for the least popular things on campus as a means to measure high-quality shit to burning dumpster garbage. Here are some of the terrible highlights:
The Badger Herald
Cute little ducks on the lake
Babcock ice cream
James Madison Park
Though the winners (and losers) of this survey don’t win a prize or anything special, they get to live life knowing their worth. As for the Daily Cardinal, they can rest assured knowing their paper has outdone The Badger Herald this year. Even better, The Dirty Birdie brings the same amount of joy to students as the sticky, sultry and syphilis-infested third floor of Wando’s. Yay Bird.