By this point in the semester, it’s not unusual to log on to zoom and stare blankly and longingly into the rectangular humanoid boxes.

Instead of taking notes for Stats 301, you scroll through the 5 pages of distant and digitized faces. You see your class crush, someone blatantly talking to their roommates and somebody playing with their dog — forcing the intrusive thought, “how come I don’t have a dog?”

You realize you don’t have a dog because you can barely afford to feed yourself and you are not about to give up your weekly trip to Chipotle.

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There’s about 17 people in your class who have their cameras turned off. They’re either in a place they can’t turn it on (okay, really?) or making the excuse, “I can’t turn my camera on because my internet connection is bad.”

You wish you were as bold as “Jack” and could turn your camera off too.

Unlike the pet situation, you can turn your camera off! Didn’t have time to do your makeup? Having a bad hair day? Not to worry! Just tell the professor you have a bad WiFi connection and you’ll be free to scroll through Instagram all class.

It’s also likely you’ll be in a Zoom class with everything going swimmingly until all of the sudden your professor’s connection cuts out abruptly and their screen freezes. Don’t fret, just make sure to awkwardly look around at your classmates without saying anything. When the professor’s connection catches back up, no need to tell them you missed everything they just said — simply nod and pretend like you’re following along.

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Accept it — there will come a point this semester when the professor calls on you to answer a question. It’s vital here to refer to the above advice and just keep your camera turned off. When the professor calls on you, say nothing. If they ask you about it later, just tell them you were tinkling. Easy out!

Finally, if you’re in an asynchronous class and wondering why the professor is assigning all this reading without actually doing any teaching, I have good news for you! You can be just as lazy as your professor by simply not doing any of the reading. Google will suffice.

Hopefully these words of wisdom — carefully crafted after months of research — will help you get the most out of online classes!