Picky eaters — you know the type. The people whose taste buds haven’t changed since they were sipping apple juice and gnawing on American cheese in preschool. If you’ve ever been friends with a picky eater, you know that there is no consistency in their preferences.
One day they tell you Chipotle is trash, and the next day you catch them eating a Three Musketeers (which, if we’re being honest, is just a punished Snickers bar). Honestly, the worst thing about these people isn’t that they’d rather starve than try a caper or how meticulously they remove a red onion sliver from pizza.
They haven’t even tried many basic, staple favorites that so many of us cherish.
In order to help these “people” become normal human beings, I’ve taken it upon myself to assemble a list of classic dishes that many of us have fond memories of. I’m not any fancy foodie – I really tried to stick to simple, plain-tasting plates that can’t scare off the pickiest of munchers. Here are three essentials that persnickety eaters HAVE to try.
Haggis: I mean, c’mon. This is one of THE most classic meals of all time, right? There’s no way this dish would be intimidating to anyone who loves food, or themselves for that matter. I know for a fact that we all have super fond memories of our parents preparing this meal and shoveling it into our adolescent mouthholes.
Who wouldn’t want a fresh scoop of that finely minced sheep’s heart, liver and lung on a cold winter’s night? Meaty, creamy and 100% digestible (kind of). There’s a reason this is Scotland’s national dish. I mean honestly, when you break through the sheep-stomach-casing and that beautiful brownish-gray sludge flows out… perfection.
So yeah, maybe you opinionated prisses can’t handle Chipotle, but at least you can settle for some good, hearty, old fashioned Haggis.
Hakarl: Okay, now I’m throwing it back to elementary school with this one. Everyone remembers opening their lunchbox to the sweet smell of this time-honored delight out of Iceland.
This stuff is actually kind of genius. What Viking back in the day decided the best way to eat poisonous shark is to leave it outside for six months to ACTUALLY rot before slicing and serving to young Björnsson?
Incredible! Appetizing! Healthy(?)!
This mild, easy-going-mouthful is enjoyed by both the masses and professional chefs alike! Even Gordon Ramsay loves it. He took one bite and happily exclaimed, “Oh, damn, god almighty, bloody hell.”
For you picky rascals over the age of 21, it is customary to take a shot of distilled liquor called Brennivin after each bite. That’s right, this ish is so good that it’s best experienced with a shot as a CHASER. Needless to say, this is a family favorite and a true throwback that will leave you fussy eaters wanting more.
Casu Marzu: For the last item on this list, we have a very tasty, classic Italian cheese. In terms of the pure flavor profile, I would say it’s somewhere between American and Swiss. In other words — super inoffensive and simple. It’s something I could definitely see picky eaters enjoying on a daily basis.
For those of you who didn’t have this goodie growing up, it is a traditional Italian cheese not unlike parmesan or ricotta. It originates on the island of Sardinia, is made with lamb’s milk and aged using live maggots to intensify flavor.
But don’t worry picky eaters of the world! The maggots don’t make the flavor TOO too strong! It’s a very mild hit of saltiness — again, like a hardy slice of American or Swiss! Totally up to you if you want to discard the maggots before giving this one a shot. It’s more protein, but they can also burrow into your stomach and cause internal damage, those rascals.
So, you’re welcome. Three simple dishes that picky eaters HAVE to try. If mayo and Cheetos are looking a little intimidating, you can always fall back on these simple, always satisfying dishes. Even if you (somehow) don’t like them, just know these scrumptious plates are near and dear to many hearts out there. So, be respectful.