In an ultimate power move, which dwarfed the now meaningless happenings of Super Tuesday, Gov. Scott Walker stunned the political world with less than 140 characters.
In the early afternoon, he released the highly anticipated photo of his moisturized and well-groomed right hand, preparing to sign 58 bills into law.
Photo of my hand before signing 58 bills into law today: pic.twitter.com/crM19dwjNi
— Governor Walker (@GovWalker) March 1, 2016
“It’s Super Tuesday — I can’t just sit here with my hands folded. I’ve gotta do something to remind the American people what they’re missing out on since I dropped out of the presidential race,” Walker (probably) thought to himself. Sources close to him report they watched in agonizing silence as the governor sat with his head in his hands, as it suddenly occurred to him the answer had been right before his eyes and below his carpal bones the whole time.
The people of Wisconsin could not be more pleased with their right-hand man. The tweet went viral within hours, garnering coverage from USA Today, Buzzfeed and The Chicago Tribune, among others.
Perhaps most notable has been the creation of the @GovWalkerHand Twitter account — in case there was any doubt the citizens of Wisconsin have more than enough time on their … never mind.
In case you’re wondering, yes I use hand lotion. Gotta keep these babies silky smooth — Hands Of Walker (@GovWalkerHand) March 1, 2016
After a political campaign diluted with immaturity and theatrics, Walker brings us back to what really matters. In an act of courage, he provided prominent display of a small battle wound just to the left of his index finger knuckle, reminding the American people that real politicians are willing to get their hands dirty —but not their cuticles.
Just when the suspense was getting to be too much to handle, Walker reconnected to the Capitol Wi-Fi with what was left of his phalanges and gave his devotees the closure they were begging for, proving yet again he is willing to sacrifice his blood, sweat and several layers of dermal tissue for the people he serves.
What my hand feels like after signing 58 bills into law today: pic.twitter.com/NcAE5Ng9oR
— Governor Walker (@GovWalker) March 1, 2016
Fans anxiously await more — perhaps a Walker foot, as he kickstarts his new legislation on biennial budgets, or if we’re really lucky, a strong Walker shoulder for us to lean on.
