For one reason or another, Woody Allen is an actor and
director you either love or you hate. I found myself loving him, which I
suppose was preliminary since my first exposure to Allen was ?Annie Hall? and
?Scoop.? This allowed me to ignore the disaster that was ?Match Point? ? not
the return to grace claimed by some of Allen?s detractors. Still, how did he
come to be so hated in the first place?

I mean, in this age of extreme celebrity debauchery and
scandal, Allen falls pretty low on the taboo-meter. He hasn?t slurred drunken
anti-Semitic statements, freaked out on ?Oprah,? or partaken in insider
trading. So, what?s the deal? Perhaps the meter has just become skewed. We
hardly bat an eyelash at the rehab-ridden celebrity skanks anymore ? it?s
practically news.

As far as I can tell, the biggest dirt on Allen is marrying
his ex-wife?s adopted daughter, which is more of a slap in the face to her than
anything. Well, that, and some disputed, yet unproven allegations of sexual
misconduct against him. Oh, and that his new wife was 34 years his junior. But
is a Lolita complex that much worse than the mark of the grave-robbing
gold-diggahs?

OK, so he?s no saint. But I doubt St. Lawrence could write
as well as Woody. Celebrities, like politicians, have little privacy from the
scrutinizing eye of tabloids, and very few have a perfect tabula rasa. And what
about judging an artist by their talent onscreen rather than their misdoings
offscreen? Let?s do just that, then, and curtail this rant.

One need only look at IMDB to see that Woody?s made more
films than he can probably remember now that he?s 72 years old. In fact, most
of them I didn?t recognize or never realized he had directed. I decided to dig
far back to the beginnings of his career, since it?s pretty unanimous that he?s
lost his flare (even though ?Scoop? was brilliant).

His first breakthrough was, in fact, not as a director, but
as a writer for the 1965 comedy ?What?s New, Pussycat?? which, in short, is
about several sex-addicted crazy people who are often drunk. It manages to
achieve humor that’s completely absurd along with the subtle zingers that
Woody?s become known for. With unforgettable characters like a ridiculous
Eastern European psychoanalyst (Peter Sellers, ?Dr. Strangelove?), a true
Narcissus (Peter O?Toole, ?Lawrence of Arabia?), a woman, Liz, who ODs in
nearly every scene, and Woody as the neurotic, insecure little man he always
finds himself playing. It?s truly an amazing screenplay, though the Scooby-Doo
chase scene antics might be a bit wasted on today?s viewer. Still, even these
add to the overall ridiculousness of the film ? along with a random go-kart
chase scene. Personal biases aside, ?What?s New Pussycat?? is one of the
sharpest, most riotous movies I?ve ever seen.

This success launched Allen?s career. However, he next opted
for the director?s chair for his 1966 release, ?What?s Up, Tiger Lily?? Let me
first ask, have you ever seen ?MXC?? ?Mystery Science Theatre 3000?? Well
?What?s Up, Tiger Lily?? is perhaps their inspiration, as it was the first
feature-length film which re-dubbed a prior film with completely absurd
dialogue, written, of course, by none other than Allen himself.

The original film was a Japanese spy thriller, which I can
only surmise was about finding some sort of secret code. Allen, however,
rearranged scenes and added completely ridiculous lines, transforming it into a
nonsensical treasure hunt for the world?s best egg-salad recipe. Despite
working with a limited palette for dialogue, as it had to vaguely follow the
action of the film, Allen again delivered an absolutely riotous script to
accompany what I?m sure was a horrible spy film.

Beyond voicing many of the characters in ?What?s Up, Tiger
Lily??, Allen even makes a cameo where he?s sitting with a studio exec of some sorts
and is asked to explain the movie, considering its difficult-to-follow nature.
He curtly responds, ?No,? and it cuts back to the film. Since the comedic
remake places no real importance on plot other than continuing the witty,
absurd banter, there?s no need to understand it. The dialogue is so quick and
witty that it?s hard to catch it all, especially when it already has you in
stitches. Again, a must-see film. My only complaint is the incongruous music
scenes of an American ?60s band, which apparently Woody didn?t want in the film
either ? fast-forward that.

I?m not of the simplistic mind to presume that all Mr.
Allen?s works are riotous masterpieces. Clearly that?s not the case . Yet, I?m
sure some of them deserved more praise than they got. If you?re an Allen-hater
or have prejudged him without ever seeing his work, I implore you, for your own
comedic benefit, to see some of his films. Unfortunately, I can?t recommend
much out of personal experience, but the two aforementioned and ?Annie Hall?
are your best bets. And if the Academy?s diminishing credibility still means
something to you, ?Deconstructing Harry,? ?Mighty Aphrodite,? ?Bullets Over
Broadway,? and ?Alice,? among many others, were nominated for best original
screenplay. Enjoy.

?

Want to berate me for
liking Woody Allen but hating ?Match Point?? Dig ?Scoop? as much as I did?
Email me at [email protected] .