For this week's column, I am switching it up a little bit. Sifting through all my fan mail (or, a few), there were a couple of questions I felt I should address — since they are highly applicable to the average college student. Keep in mind that this is merely my advice. If one of these situations is yours, and you follow my advice to no avail … well, you probably just didn't follow my advice correctly, because what I say is the truth. Dear Jenny, I met this girl at a party, and we ended up hooking up. However, I was really drunk and "couldn't get it up." We ended up meeting a few other nights — always while being drunk — and tried again, but I still couldn't get hard enough. Is there anything I can do? I've had drunk sex before and haven't had this much of a problem, and I know a lot of people can still have sex even though they're drunk. Dear Can't Get It Up, First of all, you're not alone. Many guys have a similar problem — it's called "whiskey dick," which, defined by Urban Dictionary, is "when you've had too much to drink and have a girl back home and can't get it up to perform the deed." My best advice to you is both very complicated, yet very simple at the same time: Don't get so wasted. Partying around campus is basically a synonym for binge drinking. According to my psychology class, binge drinking is defined as five or more drinks for males and four or more drinks for females. I'll be the first to acknowledge that these statistics may sadly sound low to many people — it is not at all uncommon for people to have an excess of 10 drinks throughout a night. So, I'm assuming in your case, you are probably exceeding the five-drink recommendation, which was the culprit of your sexual deficiencies. Right up to the act, you may feel fine. You're most likely horny and ready to go, but the frustration sets in when your body won't oblige to what you want it to do. You've been cursed with a case of whiskey dick. Now, I don't know the exact specifics of your situation, but I assume the girl was in a similar non-sober state of mind, which is most likely why she's given you numerous chances to redeem yourself. However, a girl can only be so patient. If you plan on seeing this girl again — and pleasing her at the same time — lay off the bottle a bit. Let's say you try to stay under the magic five number, and see what happens. If you still can't get it up, maybe there are some other issues. Maybe you're not into having random sex? Perhaps you have other worries (i.e. school, work, etc.) on your mind? Or, by chance, this particular girl doesn't appeal to you enough. All of those could be possibilities; however, my professional diagnosis is that you had a moderate to severe case of whiskey dick, which can be treated very easily and painlessly by not getting so drunk. Dear Jenny, I've been seeing the same girl for about two months. We are basically a couple right now but without a title. We both have separate groups of friends, so we don't always go out together. I want to establish some boundaries, because I don't want her going out without me and hooking up with someone else. How can I do this without sounding clingy? Dear Mr. Anything But Clingy, Let me just say that I'm surprised — after a two-month relationship — this has never come up between the two of you. Your "girlfriend" must either assume you're already exclusive or else she views your relationship as something relatively nonchalant. You probably have a better sense of what she thinks than I do, and I suggest you go with whatever you feel. If you two hang out on regular weeknights, go out to dinner occasionally and call each other before you go to bed, you are already a couple, and you should have nothing to worry about. However, the fact that you are thinking she might possibly hook up with someone else could mean that she may not be fully committed yet — and that there should be some ground rules if you want to pursue this relationship. In order to make things official, you have to be smooth. Instead of whining the age-old phrase "What are we?" try saying something like, "I've really enjoyed getting to know you the past few months." When she says something of a similar meaning (hopefully), then go in for the kill and ask, "Will you be my girlfriend?" Chances are, she will probably giggle, agree and in her head think, "What else was I the past few months?" I know this may sound like it came straight out of a John Hughes movie, but the only way to be completely sure that you're on the same page is to make things official. Otherwise, if she does hook up with someone else, you technically can't be mad since you two weren't officially together. However, if you said you two were basically a couple, chances are she probably knows this already, and you are probably stressing about this more than you should. Just relax and go with it. Jenny Kalaidis is a freshman majoring in communication arts and journalism. Send your relationship questions, comments and tales of sexual escapades to [email protected].
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Readers’ relationship, sex worries answered
March 8, 2007
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