As I am sure you all know by now, I am pro-sex. Any form and any place where you can get it is good to me. That’s why this week’s column is devoted to one of my all-time favorite aspects of sex: doing it places you shouldn’t be doing it.

The danger, excitement and all-around “naughtiness” of squeezing in a quickie somewhere you would definitely be arrested if you were caught brings the passion of sex to a whole new level. Just think how fun sex can be within the parameters of your own bedroom — now imagine that times 50, and you’ve got exhibitionism nailed.

Further adding to the immense pleasure of evading arrest while working out a quick one is the factor of defying authority. We all hate school at some point or another, but rather than getting mad, I find it’s much more fun and entertaining to “stick it to the man” by getting freaky somewhere on campus.

During the day, campus can be a place of drudgery and boredom, but after hours you can work out those feelings of animosity by engaging your partner in some “extra homework.” I think with all the pressures and constraints of college academics, it’s only fair that students fight back in a way that is both pleasurable and mischievous.

This personal fascination with forbidden fornication dates back to high school. When talking about personal fantasies with boyfriends at the time, I would always mention the desire to get it on in school after hours. The fact that a place so sterile and devoid of sexuality was so high on my list of possible conquests is probably related to the fact that I love to break the rules.

And what better way to add excitement to your love life than by taking your bedroom antics to a restricted area? As long as you are careful and don’t leave behind a mess, I think doing it somewhere you shouldn’t is one of the ultimate highs.

And it seems I am not alone in this desire. After last week’s column, I was flooded with emails from other students who have already mastered the art of on-campus copulation, and although I have to protect the identities of these individuals, I think their stories alone will certainly entertain you.

One such steamy individual sent me this anecdote relating his foray into the world of forbidden sex.

“This past summer, my girlfriend and I went out one night to some bars on State Street. After a few drinks we started getting a little horny and decided that we should leave the bar and go back to her place to do our thing.

“We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other on the seven-block walk to her place, so we stopped midway at Vilas Hall and found an open door on the fourth floor. We snuck into a stairwell and up to the top floor, but it was way too hot up there to bear, so we went back down and ended up in the women’s bathroom on the third floor.

“I grabbed a chair to bring into the bathroom and sat down. She straddled me, and as we were nervously starting to remove each other’s clothes, we heard the ding of the elevator in the hallway and the sound of a mop bucket rolling across the floor. The next sound we heard was the wailing of a janitor singing an off-key tune to herself. We froze, not knowing what to do.”

Although this poor Romeo’s rendezvous was cut short by the janitorial staff, he still brings up a very popular spot for late-night law breaking. Campus-building bathrooms are often the target of randy co-eds, perhaps because of their privacy.

In fact, the Humanities buildings are having such a problem with after-hours sexcapades in the bathrooms that administrators have issued a statement telling students to notify authorities if “questionable” sounds are heard coming from underneath the stalls.

Another popular spot for adventurous students is the dorms. One couple wrote to me about their early morning exploits at Ogg.

“We did it on the table right outside the elevator on fourth floor Ogg at 4 a.m., until somebody came out of their room to go to the bathroom and caught us. Seriously, who would have thought somebody would be going to the bathroom at that time? So we just went to the stairwell on the far east side of Ogg that leads to the outside and finished on the staircase between the second and first floor.”

Determination is often the key to such exploits, and another couple found this out when it decided to get down to it at the library.

“Recently, me and my partner were studying on the second floor of College Library in one of the study rooms. This place has only one tiny window in it, and we decided it was time to get adventurous.

She unzipped my pants and gave me oral sex right there in the room, while I pretended to be studying for a Physics exam. The next day we did the same thing, and she decided to get more adventurous.

She took down her pants and gave me a condom. I took down my pants to my knees and put the condom on and got it on right there in the library! Afterward, we used those mini-posters in The Badger Herald that said ‘Did it here with Durex’ and stapled it up in the room before we left!”

The libraries have often been notorious for naughty students, but I was truly amazed at some of the places one guy had to offer.

“One time was in a stairwell of the new part of the chemistry building, when it was under construction. I wanted to do it on the roof, but we’d been there before, and she wanted to do it in the stairs.

We had a towel to do it on, but we kicked up so much dust that she was having trouble breathing, and we had to stop. Construction sites at night are great though — I’ve never found a construction site that was hard to get into, and once you’re in, there’s nobody around to see you.”

Hopefully these daring delinquents will inspire you to make your own mark on campus this year. Just remember, never go exploring without the proper attire. Also, thanks to all the individuals who sent in their stories; sorry I couldn’t use them all!