Everyone knows what an ick is. Actually, that’s not true — the girls and the gays know what an ick is. We’ve compiled a top ten list of icks to keep in mind the next time you start falling for a man.
Straight men, if you think you know what an ick is, you’re wrong. If you actually relate to anything on this list, you might need to pause and re-evaluate your sexuality. Reach out to The Badger Herald’s badvice team.
1. Bad Bitmoji
A bad Bitmoji is a top-tier ick. What is it that compels men to create a Bitmoji with red, green or a skin color other than their own? And why do they think it’s OK to make their avatar bald or give them a random, hideous hair color?
Creating a Bitmoji other than one that’s at least similar to what you look like should be illegal. The Bitmoji creators allowing users to choose any skin color aside from a natural one is probably humanity’s greatest downfall.
2. Disproportionately big pecs, skipping leg day
Just last week, a self diagnosed “gym bro” snapped in half as he walked down State Street. This is just one of many recent incidents of TopHeavity, the state of carrying too much weight on the top one’s body. Madison is crawling with TopHeavity, with cases rising by the day. Are you next? Keep skipping leg day and you just might be.
Benching 200 pounds doesn’t mean anything if you can’t calf raise a five pound dumbbell. Get your chicken leg, upside down triangle, Mr. Incredible ass to the damn squat rack.
Harry Styles kills King Charles, names himself ruler of Westeros
3. Saying “cuddle,” “snuggle” or “frisky”
These words are disgusting. Who says “let’s cuddle,” “let’s snuggle” or “let’s get frisky?” It is 2022. We are not children.
When these words are said, something in my body clicks — let’s just say we will not be “getting frisky” anytime soon.
4. Likes Andrew Tate
It’s giving “insecurity.” What is it about the off-brand PitBull man boob that appeals to the male psyche so strongly? The breed of men — nay, boy — that idolizes Mr. Andy should be exiled from the University of Wisconsin campus.
If you find yourself entertained by the whiny, fast-talking influencer, take a step back. Reevaluate. Don’t be icky.
5. Emojis
If you’re still using emojis unironically in the 2020s — I hate to inform you — you’re not funny. The crying laughing emoji, kissing emoji and ESPECIALLY the winking emoji are officially off-limits if you’re not using them as a joke.
Little yellow round faces are not sexy. I said it. Not a hot take.
6. Fish pics
Fish should stay in the water and fish pics should stay in your camera roll. It’s honestly embarrassing. Fish pics are undeniably the greatest ick of the age of Tinder. One poor, innocent member of the Herald claims to have had to sprint to the bathroom to throw up out of disgust just at the sight of one. Do you want to be responsible for this?
You could have posted a picture with LITERALLY any other animal.
7. Deals drugs
If you’re always staying up late to party and mysteriously in your car all the time with some suspicious Venmo transactions, it’s a turnoff.
Seriously, who drives their car that much? It’s not like I wasn’t they aren’t going to find out that he was you’re a drug dealer. And that’s just gross.
8. Changing to a frat voice only when other men come around
Picture this — you’re having a lovely conversation with your crush. “The boys” walk over, but you’re excited to meet them! Then, your crush opens their mouth and a completely different voice comes out.
The octave changes, the accent changes and the terminology changes. What is it that turns me into a “chick” when the guys are around? I am a woman, goddammit.
It’s just disappointing to see men feel too emasculated to use their normal voice and speak in a normal way when their friends are around. Though it makes me sad and I hope they seek therapy, it also disgusts me.
9. Patting to sit next to them
Don’t patronize me.
A man patting the seat next to him to encourage a woman to sit down is the equivalent of the unanswered mating calls of the Bird of Paradise in that one Planet Earth video. Hard to watch. This method has never, ever worked. Do better. Don’t pat the seat.
10. Uses the wrong “their”
Can’t grammar, can’t slam her. Simple as that.
