Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


Best TV sportsman

McGrath Says:

So, Poppy wants to try and come up with a greater TV sportsman than Al Bundy? I've only got two words for him.

Let's rock.


First off, anybody who has ever watched "Married … With Children," or any other incarnation of television knows that Bundy achieved one of the greatest football feats in the history of the sport.

As a senior fullback at Polk High School, Bundy came through in the most clutch of circumstances, as he scored four touchdowns — IN A SINGLE GAME! Not just any game mind you — a championship game.

If it wasn't for an unfortunate bout of marriage derailing "Touchdown" Bundy's career, he would've taken the NFL by storm for sure.

Still though, even with a career as a shoe salesman, Bundy managed to still excel in sports. He was an avid fisherman, often running off to some of the nation's most exotic fishing locales (like the Projects near Washington D.C.) to engage in angling.

He also would give up anything to win. When faced with the decision to either watch his son lose a bowling championship, or to put on shoes and win the title but lose a multi-million dollar lawsuit, Bundy threw the money away and took home the trophy. Now that is a true sportsman.

He is also very giving, having contributed to putting countless women through college through his generous donations at the Jiggly Room.

Plus, he loves to watch all sports on television, usually with a cold Girlie-Girl (official beer of No Ma'am) and a Big 'Uns (official magazine) nearby.

But what truly makes Bundy the ultimate sportsman is the fact that he is not a quitter, despite having ample reason to give up on life:

"Bundy's are losers, but never quitters," in his words.

We could all stand to learn a little from ol' "Touchdown" Bundy.

Point: Bundy.

Poppy Says:

The last two weeks I have picked extreme underdogs and McGrath has smoked me in the polls, but no more.

Not this week, my friend — this week I'm going with the fan favorite, the people's champ, the top dog — Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

Hrumh, hrumh, hrumh! Who doesn't love the tool man?

Taylor is a man's man, and while "Home Improvement" may not fully portray it, you better believe he's the greatest TV sportsman.

The tool man is always fiddling with his mechanics with the longing for "more power!" Hrumh, hrumh, hrumh! His tools mean as much to him as his wife, but his hot rod means even more. I bet you any money he could beat anybody in a drag race with his hot rod.

Although some may not consider racing a sport compared to others, it's merely a little hobby for this great sportsman.

Taylor's always seen around the house sporting one of his favorite sports teams — the Detroit Lions, Pistons or Red Wings. A true sports fan represents his hometown teams to the fullest, but it takes a true man to rep Detroit to the fullest. Hence, the greatest sportsman.

But that's not all; the tool man takes his passion for sports a step further.

On his show, "Tool Time," Taylor has had various sports celebrities on as guests. From the Andretti brothers to John Elway to Evander Holyfield, Taylor almost doubles as a Sports Center reporter in training. Heck, even L.L. Cool J was on his show, and he was a pretty good running back in "Any Given Sunday."

This sportsman is so in touch with the sports world, he could probably field his own football team — Elway at quarterback, L.L. in the backfield, the Andretti's at wide-out, Holyfield on the defensive line and the tool man himself on the couch rooting them on. Hrumh, hrumh, hrumh!

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