For the third straight year now at the Badger Herald, I have been
fortunate enough to write a column for the Thursday that kicks off the
Sweet 16.

This means one of two things.

One, I have had this column for three years? It is probably time to graduate.

Two, and much, much more importantly, here is the third annual “16 Sweet Thoughts Column.” You know them to be true.

1.  The Jimmer will break Twitter. In last year’s NCAA win over Florida,
BYU and the Gators combined to score 191 points over regulation and two
overtimes. If this year’s edition approaches anything close to that,
and Jimmer decides to hit a 38-foot three pointer, Twitter will explode
with excitement. Only Charlie Sheen’s account will be left among the
rubble.

2.  Mike Bruesewitz and Matt Howard will combine to set
the record for most times a white guy awkwardly dives to the floor in an
NCAA basketball game. Towel boys get ready.

3.  Fearless
Prediction No. 1 – Marquette will beat North Carolina. Handily. The
Warriors have two things going for them. First of all, this is THE year
for sports in the state of Wisconsin. The Packers won the Super Bowl.
The Badgers made it to the Rose Bowl. We have had a season’s worth of
watching Jordan Taylor, the best University of Wisconsin basketball
player ever. Even the Brewers have hope. So the gut feeling says the
Warriors benefit from these phenomena as well. More importantly,
however, Marquette is going up against a Roy Williams coached team. And
Williams’ coached teams have rarely been accused of being, ahem, willing
to tough it out. Marquette may not have much, but it does have a
reckless tenacity that can overwhelm the young Tar Heels if MU jumps on
them early. Buzz FTW.

4.  Seth Davis’ hair will crawl off his
head during a halftime show. Seriously. Look at it. Why is it crimped in
so many different places? Why does the word crimp even apply to a
basketball analyst’s hair?

5.  Memo to Greg Anthony, Kenny Smith
and every other analyst trying to find a flaw in Ohio State: They are
not a running team. They never were a running team. They. Do. Not. Want
to be a running team. The Buckeyes rank No. 241 in possessions per game
for a reason. Stop saying they need to open up their offense if they
want to win – OSU currently leads the nation in points per possession.
They will be fine.

6.  In Kansas’ run to the National
Championship in 2008, the Jayhawks played a 16, 8, 12 and 10 seed to
reach the Final Four. This season, it sets up for Kansas to play a 16,
9, 12 and 10/11. Looks like a storybook coincidence to me.

7. 
There will be approximately 547 jokes made by talking heads about
Bruesewitz’s hair the next four days. Two of them will be funny.

8. 
Fearless Prediction No. 2 – San Diego State will hold Kemba Walker
under 20 points. Three reasons: The Aztecs own the second best defense
in the nation as measured by points per possession and it specializes in
containing dribble penetration. More importantly, San Diego State has
seen Jimmer three times this season; they won’t be wowed by the force
that is Kemba. Finally, I am trusting the law of averages. Jordan Taylor
had an off game against Kansas State, Walker is due for one too.

9.  Not-So-Fearless Prediction – Gus Johnson will cause your girlfriend to ask: “Why is that man yelling so much”?

10. 
Although he has been overshadowed by the more recognizable Bruesewitz,
Tim Jarmusz has been quietly playing efficient, confident basketball
over the past three months. His one-dribble pull-up jumper he hit
against K-State was probably the first he has made in his career at UW.
Excellent time to peak for the senior who has not received much love
from UW fans over his four years.

11.  The nickname “3bler” for Jon Diebler is weak. We can do better people.

12. 
Schadenfreude – Marquette is in the Sweet 16. Tennessee put on the
worst performance of any team in the first round and saw its coach Bruce
Pearl fired days later. Anyone else curious what Tim Maymon is telling
his son Jeronne, who averaged 2.6 points per game this season?

13. 
Fearless Prediction No. 3 – Kyrie Irving will not have an impact on
Duke one way or another this weekend. Chemistry matters in basketball
and Irving doesn’t have the foundation with his teammates to slide back
in seamlessly into the rotation. And as a rule, predicting whatever the
opposite of Seth Davis thinks trends towards positive net gain.

14.  The referees will be the story of yet another game as the zebras bumble another call. And Jay Bilas’ head will explode.

15. 
First one to 50 wins the Florida State-VCU contest. The Seminoles lock
down on ‘D’ unlike any other team, but turn the ball over 23 percent of
the time – by far the worst mark of the remaining 16 teams.

16.  Honor Code violations will be committed en masse this weekend. Enjoy yourselves.

Michael is a senior majoring in journalism. Tell him your thoughts at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @michaelbleach.