Bret Bielema had his smug smirk firmly in place once again. Bo Ryan did his Bo Ryan thing. Mike Eaves went retro 2006 until the final game of the season.
Yes, it was a strong year for Badger sports. There may be little hardware to show for all the regular season victories — unless you count the beautiful Champs Sports Bowl Trophy, of course — but the overall winning effort is nothing to take for granted. Just take a look at Michigan. Besides having to live in that scarlet woman city, Wolverine fans were treated to Rich Rodriguez excuses and Manny Harris bricks en route to 5-7 and 15-17 seasons, respectively.
So to celebrate said year, the Herald Sports department will be releasing their “Best of…Awards” in the semester’s final issue this Thursday; because, after all, Wisconsin athletes deserve some recognition for their achievements.
Here at View From the Bleachers, we agree.
While Thursday’s sports section will cover events like the Camp Randall Classic and Duke falling at the Kohl Center, this column will be geared to recognizing slightly less obvious achievements. Same as YMCA soccer camp, everyone gets an award for participating, even if you did spend most of the game popping the heads off dandelions.
Neville Longbottom Award — Men’s basketball team
Like Neville, Bo Ryan’s team was considered an afterthought by most at the beginning of the season, but the Badgers just kept their head down and went about their business on their way to a 24-9 record and a No. 4 seed in the NCAA Tournament. Sure, losing to Cornell in the second round isn’t quite like beheading Nagini, but the rest of the metaphor holds strong. Wisconsin’s track record should have been apparent to most “experts” (Neville inherited his parents’ talent), both defeated evil incarnate (Duke and Voldemort’s soul) and there is a pretty strong goofy white boy vibe from both. Congrats basketball team, a Harry Potter comparison is really the highest praise I can dole out.
Ben Roethlisberger Award — Kraig Appleton, Shelby Harris, Nick Hill, Maurice Moore, Shane Carter, Aubrey Pleasant, Diamond Taylor, Jeremy Glover and Matt Thurber
Naughty, naughty UW athletes. Like Big Ben, we aren’t quite sure what all of you did, but whatever it was, it was creepy enough to get you suspended or kicked off the team. Way to stay classy student-athletes. Consider yourself honored.
Justin Bieber Award — Phillip Welch
Welch’s kicking struggled last season, as he connected on only 71 percent of his attempts after nailing 83 percent the year before. Adding embarrassment to his miscues, Welch whiffed on two extra point attempts, getting replaced for a game by freshman linebacker Chris Borland who connected on all three of his PATs.
Athletic struggles are not the merit for this award, however. Incessant whining is.
Welch handled his lack of consistency by denying anything was wrong with his technique — despite nearly every miss being pushed to the right. In this spring game, Welch complained to the Wisconsin State Journal that the new Wilson GST footballs had too small a sweet spot. When asked why the Badgers switched footballs, Welch responded shortly, “Easier for the quarterbacks to throw.”
Umm, Phil. The QB position holds slightly more importance than the kicker. I don’t know anything about a football sweet spot, but here is a bit of advice:
Just kick the damn ball. You sound like a 16-year-old with too much success too soon right now.
Charles Barkley Award — John Moffitt
Because he is a fat guy who is effing hysterical. Follow his Twitter. Look for video interviews online. It needs to be recognized that he is the most charismatic athlete to come to UW in quite some time.
And a Fat Sandwich contest between him and Sir Charles would be funny too.
Shawshank Redemption Award — UW men’s hockey
Like Shawshank on TNT, the men’s hockey team was extremely enjoyable to watch over and over again, finding the back of the net on average four times per game and leading the nation in total attendance. The Badgers had four 50-point scorers; Shawshank had Morgan Freeman, Tim Robbins and Stephen King. Wisconsin just plain boasted a special team; Shawshank will always be a special film.
Unfortunately, the biggest similarity stems from trophies and awards — neither hockey nor Shawshank have any. The movie missed out on the Oscars (Forrest Gump took home best picture), Golden Globes and any other relevant award given. The Badgers fell short of the WCHA regular season, conference playoff crown and a goal or five away from collecting the program’s seventh national championship. So close to the final prize, but ultimately relegated to second status.
So congrats UW athletes! Hardware may not be necessary to validate your success, but it sure is nice.
Michael is a senior majoring in journalism and history. He isn’t quite graduating though, so get ready for another semester of the View From the Bleachers. This probably upsets you; so e-mail him at [email protected] to express your rage.
