There is a strong likelihood that, by the time The Ready Set performs at Freakfest, you will be inebriated. Drunk, high, hungover tired and a plethora of other options are available to Freakfest patrons. You need only pick your poison and indulge. The pulsating sounds of generic rap, 2002-era pop punk, landfill indie and electropop sticky-sweet enough to make Taylor Swift vomit will assault your ears as you do your best to drink yourself to an early grave.

Step 1: Information

Just as you would (undoubtedly) research the alcohol content of your drink of choice or Wikipedia the chemical contents of your chosen substance, it is important to know about Jordan Witzigreuter, a.k.a. The Ready Set. At 21, he has released two albums and a few EPs. His brand of MTV ready electro-pop has captured the hearts and bodies of more teenage girls than your local fraternity. “Love Like Woe,” his first and most successful single, has and will continue fit in well after “Party Rock Anthem” on your next party playlist.

Step 2: Performance

Just because you’re not onstage doesn’t mean your job isn’t difficult. Theoretically, by this stage you will be several drinks in. During the performance, it is important to maintain a modicum of interest in the bleached-haired kids on stage. By maintaining focus, you make it less likely that you will pass out and be stampeded by the high school girls who have gained entry to the festival.

Step 3: Recovery

Much like with your hangover, it takes time to heal from exposure to The Ready Set. In your addled state, you will question how and why the substance and music you just experienced sustains popularity. Although the road to recovery will be long, remember that you are not alone. Thousands of others experienced the exact same thing. All you can do is pray that soon enough the next wave of “popular music” sweeps away the dregs of the current scene and that the cheap vodka you consumed was distilled from fermented potatoes instead of fermented cow shit.