Dear Humpday,

Every year my mom goes through the house to find things to sell at her annual garage sale. And every year she calls me before she sells any of the stuff to double check if I still want anything. Most of the time I don’t, but there are a couple of things that I still keep that I think will be worth selling one day to the right buyer. This year she didn’t call me. She sold a box of things that I still wanted to hold on to. I know why she didn’t. The last time I visited home, I came with my girlfriend. We had fun with some lube and a buttplug. I decided to leave the toys at home, hidden in that box because the lube was more than 3 ounces and I didn’t want to pay extra to check a bag. My mom went through my room to find some things to sell and came across that box. She was so embarrassed to find what was in it that she didn’t call to ask me about it. I kind of wish she did because those things were worth a lot more than she sold them for.

Should I talk to her about it? I don’t want her to sell off anything else that might be valuable.

Sincerely,

Son Who Wants His Stuff Back

Dear SWWHSB,

Your story lays at the heart of many of the problems that we have in this society. We don’t talk about sex to our parents, and they don’t talk about it to us either. One of the major relationships, typically our biggest role model within our lives for the first 18 plus years, neglects to discuss and be open about the very reasons we came into this world.

I know many of you readers are cringing right now. Why the heck would I want to talk about sex with my mom or dad or grandmother for that matter? And for any student that is also a parent, you are probably laughing in your seat, wondering how you could even broach the subject with your child.

Here is my challenge to you. Why are you uncomfortable talking about sex with your parents? Sex is all around us. On almost every advertisement, movie, talk show, mannequin, picture. We joke about it, whisper details about it, even brag about it to our friends and strangers at the bar.

The one place that we do not see or talk about sex is within the family. We don’t see our family members as sexual because they are never really sexual in front of us. Perhaps your grandmother merely pecks a quick kiss on your grandfather’s cheek, or your dad only holds his girlfriend’s hand when they are going out to the movies. Yet we cannot deny that we are all here because our parents had sex. And the majority of our parents weren’t planning on having us at that exact moment. They were simply really horny and wanted to get off.

So why should we talk to our parents about sex?

We talk to our parents about the events that occur in our daily lives. Why not about the sex? If your life includes sex, or if you think it may one day in the future, the troubles and the victories that your parents went through in the bedroom can give you guidance within your own life.

If we talked to our parents about sex, we could learn about the solutions to the problems that we ourselves have in the sack. Perhaps you get off too quickly. I bet your father had the same issue. Perhaps you don’t get wet enough when you become aroused. Your mother or grandmother would probably know just the right lubricant that would work for you.

Too much detail? Then how about advice on birth control or the best place to take a first date?

To be clear, I don’t blame students from refraining from talking to their parents about sex. Parents are initially the ones to set an example and the message is usually: Let’s not talk about it. It’s a sad cycle. From the moment that our parents tell us as young children that the penis is a wee wee and the vagina a cookie to the days that they can’t even bring themselves to talk about the very same experiences that they went through as teenagers and young adults, whether it was getting a period, having wet dreams, masturbating into socks or eating out a girl. This silence contributes to us not wanting to talk about sex, even with our own partners. And then we repeat the cycle all over again with our own children.

Sexuality has so many aspects to it. Getting information through various sources, about the facts and the experiences, could help us all have healthier, fuller perspectives about sex. If our parents were more open and honest about that part of their lives, perhaps we would be too, and vice versa.

At the very least, SWWHSB, you should be talk to your mother about the items that she sold without your knowledge. You can even crack a joke about the lube that went missing… hopefully she is putting it to good use!

This article was written by Nicolette Pawlowski. Nicolette is a trained sexual health educator and a graduate student in Educational Policy Studies. All questions are from real readers. Have a sex or relationship question? Email: [email protected].