I’d like to start this week’s column with a short questionnaire for everyone to ponder. Here goes:
What do the following things have in common?
- Tattoos that say “Mom”
- Crying after sex
- Throwing up on someone’s dick mid-fellatio
- Appearing in a database of registered sex offenders
While this could easily be mistaken for my personal bucket list, it represents something way more fascinating: dealbreakers, those guaranteed slip-ups that cause opinion shifts as drastic as this one:
Girl: “Wow, you already have a job at JP Morgan next year? That’s so fascinating. Tell me more about finance.”
Guy: “You look so much like my mom.”
Girl: “Bye.”
While examples like this fall into the universal “don’t” category, I’ve always wondered if guys and girls have different ideas of what makes a dealbreaker. I decided to test my hypothesis through a series of in-depth interviews, where I found that gender-based dealbreakers are in fact, a reality. Although they were split on multiple fronts, guys and girls still agreed on obvious factors like clingy behavior, excessive use of emoticons and, to relay the first of many direct quotes, “weird hair in weird places.”
Here’s how it worked: I talked to six guys and six girls. Some single, some attached and some awkwardly close to an “It’s Complicated” relationship status. All between ages 20 and 23, all current UW students or recent grads and all anonymous because I demand total honesty from my peeps. I asked about the early stages of hooking up, nothing to do with emotional commitment. So, what qualifies as a dealbreaker for guys? What makes a girl cringe? You’d be surprised.
Putting Out
When looking for anything beyond a one-night stand, guys and girls generally agree that p-in-v action isn’t the best idea right away. However, my male and female participants disagreed immensely on what constitutes a deal-breaking degree of sexual willingness.
Guys’ stance: Girls who initiate sex or go down on a guy too quickly will likely be discarded for two reasons. 1) Guys enjoy the thrill of earning the finer things in life, and in this case that “finer thing” is oral sex, and 2) If you unbutton a guys’ pants within minutes of introducing yourself, chances are it’s not your first time around the block. Guys realize when this is the case, and it’s unsettling for them to think you could’ve easily done the same thing with another dude the night before.
Girls’ stance: You will never in your life hear a girl say, “Yeah, he went down on me for an hour. It ruled, but he’s a slut so I don’t think I’ll do it again.” A guy who pressures a girl into having sex is a completely different (and heinous) story, but 9.9 times out of 10, a man who’s eager to please won’t be tossed from the pile.
Verdict: Getting too physical too fast is a definite dealbreaker for guys. Not so much for girls.
Hot…Or Not?
This one really surprised me, but it makes sense when you think about it. Here’s what guys and girls had to say about physical dealbreakers.
Guys: Over time, men have developed the keen evolutionary ability to make quick judgments, and while everyone has good and bad days, guys tend to call a girl’s attractiveness within 30 seconds of meeting her. If a guy thinks you’re good looking, that’s probably not going to change. Their only real physical dealbreaker? A girl who looks like a total train-wreck the morning after. Oh, and according to one participant, “Unshaved vagina.”
Girls: Bad breath. Weird voice. Shorter than me. Outdated hairstyle. Weighs less than me. Long fingernails. Too much effort into personal appearance. Wears Ed Hardy. More back hair than chest hair. Has pictures of naked girls in his room. All direct quotes, and that last one isn’t even physical, it’s just too true and too hilarious to leave out. Moral of the story? Girls are a) picky about finite physical details, and b) total freaks.
Verdict: Girls have way more physical hang-ups than guys when it comes to a casual hook-up.
“Face it, Cher. You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”
Virginity is always a touchy subject, whether you’re 16 and in your first serious relationship or waiting until marriage. But in the world of random hookups, guys and girls were very-much divided on the virgin dilemma.
Guys: Don’t mind it at all. In fact, many guys enjoy the confidence that goes along with being a girl’s first. I’m pretty sure it also has something to do with that whole chastity thing, but thankfully my conversations didn’t get too religious.
Girls: Most girls are hesitant to continue things with a guy who’s never had sex, especially when a) he’s old enough to legally enter a bar, b) they’re in no semblance of a relationship and c) he’s specifically interested in the girl being his first. On a semi-unrelated note, many girls listed a guy’s age, namely more than a year her junior, as an automatic dealbreaker, while guys didn’t have a preference.
Verdict: A guy will probably hook up with a girl if she’s a virgin, but the reverse can be a top-notch dealbreaker.
Overall, my responses fell into three categories: 1) Guys and girls disagree, 2) Guys and girls agree, and 3) Girls are more willing to share/have more dealbreakers. My only other surprising observation was how much guys concentrated on their friends’ opinions and involvement in their hook-ups, whereas girls focused more on the guy’s personal qualities as opposed to his reputation in the bro-sphere. Whoever can tell me why that is wins a Jin’s sandwich, my treat.
Rachel Dickens is a senior majoring in journalism and communication arts. Questions? Comments? E-mail [email protected]
