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Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


Virgin zodiacs: How you lost your virginity based on the date you lost it

For those of you who are currently virgins, consider this your horoscope 
Courtesy of Ben Brodsky


If you lost your virginity in the Aries months of the year, your first time was competitive, impatient and high energy. You made sweet, sweet love with an athlete and both of you got super into proving who could flex better while on top. Strength and endurance became metrics during sex, so you both got super competitive in proving which positions you had enough core strength for and how long you could last in each one. 

By the end of the experience, both of you got super impatient and bored with everything. The night ended with 0 orgasms, an in depth investigation of all the trinkets in your partner’s room and two takeout orders from Taco Bell.



Leo the lion! Leo szn is all about those aggressive, protective, loyal and ambitious moves. As a person who lost their virginity in Leo szn, you had a partner who had a big heart and loved drama. I’m saying past tense not because they’re dead but because you’re no longer with them #tea. 

As a Leo virgin, you are comfortable being the center of attention but also have a generous side to you. This manifested as a failed 69 attempt for your first time. Strong work guys — it takes a confident soul to try that on your first go, and you didn’t disappoint. 


Sagittarius sex is honest, intellectual and optimistic. This means for your first time you and your partner came at the whole thing with books. You came with a list of facts of how and why losing your virginity can suck — your partner came with facts about contraception, lube and a full sociological history on the O-gap. 

You both made a list of potential sex positions you researched and found interesting. By the time you actually had sex, both of your minds were too busy thinking about what to do next it was impossible to orgasm. Otherwise the sex was insane. Thank God for Wikipedia. 


Taurus virgins had a very stick-in-the-mud first time. In general, the sex had a very stubborn vibe. Every time one person was finally wet, the other one went flaccid — every time one person finally got hard, the other person had to delay the sex for some reason. At one point you lost the condom on the bed, so you had to turn the lights on and try to find it. At another point, your partner’s mom called and it took a lot of convincing not to answer it. 

Taurus season is spring allergy season, so to make matters worse, you also sneezed and coughed several times throughout the day, which put a slight damper on the mood. And yeah, you heard me, this was DAY sex. The sun was out, you two were back from school, parents still at work — this was the one and only chance you two had to lose your virginity. 

Taurus virgins, you and your partner’s hard-headed, sensual personalities were determined to make this the best sex ever. Was it? No. But A+ for effort.


Virgo virgins, you are a double virgin. This means you lost your virginity twice. This means you are bisexual. Virgos are introverted, industrious, methodical and humble earth signs. You are industrious in bed (always go for the crowd pleasing moves) and humble (always decline the appreciation when your partner finishes). 

If you lost your virginity in the Virgo months of the year, that means your partner really paid attention to what you needed physically. Since you’re an introvert, you either asked your partner to leave right after you had sex, or you pulled an Irish goodbye in the middle of the night. Sometimes you gotta have that solo cool down time, and you Virgos definitely feel that.


Capricorn virgins, how does it feel to know you chose to lose it in the dead of winter? Maybe you lost it after Christmas Eve dinner, maybe you lost it to your high school crush at a New Year’s party. Either way, you both stayed the night because leaving meant you had to go outside in -20º weather (yes, in this situation you lost your virginity in the upper midwest). 

Capricorn sex is the most practical, responsible sex. You both had been in relationships before and knew the ins and outs of foreplay. Both came prepared with contraception, water and chapstick. The consent conversation began before sex started and sounded like a business conference. 

The whole thing was pragmatic as fuck, but it’s valid you spent so much time on the logistics because sex can be confusing! While it might have been cold outside on that fateful night you lost your virginity, it was certainly hot under the covers 😉


If you lost your virginity in the Gemini months, not only did you talk the entire time throughout sex, but you were quite two-faced. 

Being two-faced isn’t a bad thing, it means you went to bed with makeup on and woke up without makeup — you called your partner three different names because you kept forgetting — you were super hype and supportive at first but lost the optimism halfway through penetration. It’s ok to switch around! That’s what Geminis are all about anyway. 


Libra is one of the three air signs. Since this is a very easy, breezy, “live and let live” zodiac, you and your partner had sex on a plane for your first time. Both of you had no idea how to coordinate going into the bathroom one right after the other, and both of you cared a lot about what the flight attendants thought about you afterward. 

But hey, Libra season is all about being friendly and extroverted, so why not have sex in a public place? You gave polite nods and smiles to everyone in the aisles on your way back from the bathroom, fully knowing the entire cabin heard your moaning and questioning of “is this the right spot?” It was a good, social, diplomatic time and you felt proud of yourself afterward for being so okay in public. Congratulations Libras, you’re a gold star member of the mile high club. 


If you’re an Aquarius virgin, you had a unique, artistic and impulsive first time. You had sex with a painter you just met and it lasted 10 seconds. Orange paint did get on your $30 lingerie, but instead of letting that bug you, you made it into an art piece and hung it on your wall as alternative symbolism of modern hookup culture.

Aquarius sex, just like Aquarius personalities, are known to be optimistic and self-reliant. You sure showed that in the bedroom because you thought the sex would be better than it was and had to rely on yourself to finish after it was done (you masturbated when your partner fell asleep). 


Little Cancers, our emotional little crabs! Unfortunately if you are a Cancer virgin that means you got crabs after your first time 🙁 It’s okay if you didn’t know that until now — herpes isn’t that big of a deal. Cancers are known to be emotional, nurturing and intuitive. 

If you’re a Cancer virgin, you met your partner at sea and had a magical night on some sort of boat. Your first time having sex together was emotional and both of you cried during and after sex. And so true that is so healthy of you guys.


If your first time was in Scorpio season, this was the most toxic sex of all time. You’re in the middle of fall, it’s football season, the person you did it with was, like, weirdly secretive about everything, and both of you tried to control the situation at the same time. Scorpio virgin sex is hot because both parties are determined to make it last long and are extremely ambitious in fulfilling that goal. 

This sex probably happened at a party in a very masculine environment  —it started on the couch but then moved to the floor, and there was complete and utter silence afterward. Till this day, you have not talked to that original partner and regularly try to keep your virginity story a secret with friends. 


Pisces are known to be emotional, imaginative and excessively romantic. If you lost your virginity in Pisces territory, your partner was a few years older than you, and the whole thing was very planned. Your partner put rose petals on the bed and lit candles everywhere — too bad that didn’t help the sex be better. 

You wanted to do way cooler positions you’ve fantasized before in your head, but the person was just too stiff. It’s alright, it was super romantic and you got to tell everyone afterward that you lost it to a mature older person which is such a cool thing to say. 

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