Since the first game, even before the academic year started, Wisconsin fans were excited to come back to Camp Randall after more than a year away from the home field. But the first game was a complete and total disappointment during the fourth quarter, as Mertz continuously threw turnovers. Mertz also cost Wisconsin a 25 winning streak of home openers.

As week two approached, Wisconsin did well against Eastern Michigan. Going into week three, Badgers fans were hyped for the battle against the fighting Irish. Once more, Mertz disappointed the fans both at home and at Soldier Field with interceptions — three of which turned into touchdowns. Maybe Mertz should transfer to Notre Dame because it seems he has more chemistry with their team than his own.

Just as the fans thought Mertz would maybe perform better against Michigan, the game turned out to be another shit show. Most fans left before “Jump Around” and the fourth quarter. It was the saddest fifth quarter I have ever attended.

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But this semester, football isn’t the only thing that’s disappointed Badgers. From the beginning of the year, UWNet has proved to be extremely unreliable. About a week and a half ago, the DoIT desk informed campus the internet at all residence halls was down.

Is UWNet just as unreliable as Graham Mertz? Is it a coincidence UW’s WiFi just happened to stop working when the Badger offensive line stopped scoring touchdowns? Is it possible UW decided to shut down the WiFi as retribution for the football team’s terrible performance?

To answer the question honestly, I have no clue. Both have been inconsistent. Wisconsin’s football team disappoints fans on the weekend and UWNet cripples efficiency during the week. Can’t we just catch a break?

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As for the second question, I do not believe in coincidences. The terrible performance on the field has cost Wisconsin its fan base, reputation and potential profits. It would only logically make sense that UW prepared some kind of retribution in response.

In an interview with a whistleblower, they confessed under authority of someone higher up that they had to shut down the WiFi, even if non-football student-athletes and students became the collateral damage.

“He embarrassed us on national TV, something had to be done,” the whistleblower said.

During the game against Michigan Wolverines, the student sections were chanting, “We want Chase Wolf” because Mertz could not do anything.

Given the answers to the first two questions, the answer to the third one is obvious — with a special thanks to the brave whistleblower who gave us justice. Let’s hope starting now, Wolf, WI QB 2 could have more playing time, so students can have reliable internet on campus.

To the coaching staff for the football team, it is time to realize what works and what does not. Anyone with common knowledge would say if something doesn’t work, you should stop using it. The same goes for both Mertz and UWNet.

There you have it, folks — the real reason we haven’t had reliable internet for the past few weeks was because we didn’t have a reliable quarterback. I don’t know which one is more unreliable, but I hope we don’t have to find out.