While often being misunderstood as merely an arbitrary time to choose your classes for next semester, enrollment dates are actually one of the most defining moments in a college student’s academic career.

Enrollment dates offer an opportunity to show your friends that you not only have more credits than your friends but you are also just a more superior, powerful and legendary human being.

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Sophomore Olivia Hopson got a rush of adrenaline when UW released their bi-annual email detailing student enrollment dates as she realized her date was the second earliest time in the entire school. Hopson concluded that her date was earlier than her friends’ and quickly sent a text in a group chat saying, “Hey guys when are your enrollment dates? Mine is April 20th :)”

Hopson’s friends all had dates in late April or early May, leading her to a level of superiority never seen before. She explained that her junior standing and general intellectual talent led her to this achievement.

“Well, I came into college with so many AP credits that I literally have junior standing as a sophomore. A sophomore! I could literally graduate next year if I wanted to hahaha,” Hopson said. “Smart genes also run in the family so maybe I caught wind of those. So you guys really can’t enroll until like, May? Hope you are brushing up on Russian literature because those classes you want to take will definitely be filled up by then.”

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Hopson then projected her laptop screen onto the apartment TV to make her roommates watch as she prepared to choose the perfect schedule on MyUW’s Course Search & Enroll tab. She set the search filter to “10 students or less” to look at classes only she would be able to enroll in.

She also updated her LinkedIn profile to say “Student with Junior standing” and alerted recruiters that she was basically a graduate at this point.

Hopson was let down, though, when her academic advisor failed to provide a standing ovation for her early enrollment date during their Zoom meeting.