Dear Prof,

What a semester, huh? Crazy times. Unprecedented, some may say. I’m hanging on by a thread — you haven’t lifted a finger since spring 2020.

Life is awful. Listen, I’m sure you’ve got a lot on your plate, seeing that you’re too busy to even bother changing any of the dates from last semester’s synchronous lectures. (It’s spring. Don’t tell me the exam is in October. I may not be paying THAT much attention, but even I can catch that.) But, I was hoping to send a quick email — a plea if you will — as a desperate last attempt.

I know you sent out a “quick survey to see how best you can improve the course for the remainder of the semester,” but there’s a small list of things I believe are pressing enough to be brought to your attention via email. Quite frankly, I’m 20, and the idea of office hours still terrifies me. Even on Zoom. So here I am, hiding behind

Study shows fixing hair on Zoom dramatically increases test scoresA recent study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison has shown something strange, but intriguing — there is a direct correlation Read…

First of all, I get it. We’re all in a weird position. I’m really not that comfortable seeing the back half of your bedroom twice a week from 11 a.m. to 12:45 p.m., and I’m sure you don’t love seeing the bongs I forgot to move out of the screen background, my LED lights or my UW-Madison “deadass fuck thots on god” poster (creative decor, I know.)

But, what makes this even worse is being put out in breakout rooms to stare at other students’ bongs, LED lights and “deadass fuck thots on god” posters. Frankly, it reminds me that I am not an original individual like I was always led to believe.

Also, real talk. Breakout rooms? Bad. Uncomfortable. Unnecessary. Sure, I can spend the time guessing what frat that guy is in based on the flags in his background, but that’s only entertaining for so long. The other nine minutes and 34 seconds of uncomfortable silence are enough for anyone to go crazy.

Online, not fine /:By this point in the semester, it’s not unusual to log on to zoom and stare blankly and longingly into Read…

Also, contrary to popular belief, showing your dog for 0.5 seconds at the beginning of lecture does not make me forget the fact I failed the last open book exam (though it did take the pain away for a sec). Staring at that dog will be the only break I have from constantly checking my reflection and hair in my Zoom camera for the rest of lecture. And then I get to contemplate the 52% on my midterm, because honestly, I don’t even have motivation to command-F the answers in the textbook.

All in all, I hope you can take this constructive criticism into consideration when “teaching” next semester. I’ll be sure to take your elaborate comment — “nice work” — into consideration as well.


Student who is somehow still paying full tuition

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