Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


If you give a dog an iClicker

An original ‘tail’
Angela Peterson

If you give a dog an iClicker, then the dog will ask for the correct answer.

When you give the dog the correct answer, she will ask you for your notes.

When the dog is finished reading them, she will ask for an eraser.


The dog will want to erase every doodle in your notes because it’s too dang confusing to find the important information between your doodles of Bucky lazily sun-tanning on the beach.

Bucky up your winter look with stickers, stencils

When the dog sees the actual, relevant information in your notes, the dog will see that they need to learn that time is a social construct.

After the dog learns that time is a social construct, they will want to become a sociology major.

The dog might take every course available in the subject and spend way too much time in Sewell Social Sciences.

The dog will then want to take a nap, much like you do every day after your 2:30 p.m. power lecture. You will have to find the dog their own cage in Memorial library with a sherpa-lined blanket and a Bucky Pillow Pet.

Terrifying wasp infiltrates J201 class, dies on scene via blunt force trauma

The dog will make herself comfortable, and ask you to read a story that you wrote in your creative writing class. She knows you’re still working on your “polished draft,” but she just wants to hear it to check for grammatical errors.

She will ask to see the pictures in your story. After learning that college-level papers do not have illustrations in them, she will want to draw.

The dog will draw using Adobe Illustrator and one of those cool pen tablets only the cool kids have.

When the picture is finished, the dog will want to rename the file “Doggy’s First Illustration” and export it as a PDF.

Smoothies: Healthy way to save time, more Instagrammable than cereal

The dog will want to add this to your assignment submission on Canvas, so the dog will ask you to sign in to MyUW and provide multi-factor authentication using Duo.

The dog will submit your Canvas assignment and eagerly check every second for the professor to unmute the grade.

The dog will remember that it is thirsty and will ask you to order a nice little shake from the Bean and Creamery via the Starship robots. The Starship robot breaks down in front of Humanities, so you have to take the dog with you to your next lecture there so that she can pick up her stranded shake.

When the dog is in class, she will want your iClicker.

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