Drake has this decade by the throat — it is indisputable.
But contrary to popular belief, it’s not Rihanna, his hometown of Toronto or even fake friends that have inspired his top hits — it’s actually University of Wisconsin.
You might be thinking, “That is absolutely not true, you literally made that up as an excuse to write this ridiculous story so all that time spent weeping to ‘Thank Me Later’ didn’t go to waste.” To this I would reply, “Maybe so.” But evidence is evidence.
Each one of these 15 lyrics is nearly indistinguishable from the daily laments overheard on campus several times a day. Make your way to the bottom and you’ll be singing a different tune — seems like “The 6” has really been “The 608” all this time.
1. “Ok look, I’m honest, girl, I can’t lie, I miss you”
“Shot For Me,” or your thoughts passing Gordon Commons after you’re no longer a freshman?
2. “I mean, it doesn’t take much for us to do this shit quietly”
“Only,” or a study group in the silent section of Helen C. White whispering at the top of their lungs and giggling as each member of the group watches a Vine individually with no headphones?
3. “You got your guards up, I do too, there’s things we might discover/ Cause you got a past and I do too, we’re perfect for each other”
“The Real Her,” or deep personal sentiments about the high-security at Memorial Library due to past the stabbing of 1979?
Axe in the stacks: The story behind Memorial Library’s haunting attack
4. “All in all, I learned a lesson from it though/ You never see it coming, you just get to see it go”
“Fireworks,” or every experience trusting the Wisconsin bus app that only leaves you sprinting to the station in desperation and standing in defeat sweaty and alone as the 80 pulls away two minutes earlier than anticipated?
5. “I’ve been avoiding commitment, that’s why I’m in this position”
“Girls Love Beyoncé,” or watching your WiscMail flood with a dozen passive-aggressive messages from College of Letters & Science asking, “When will you declare a major?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQLPkxGkl-U
6. “Wooh, I see you doin’ well baby/ Oh you pullin’ shit together, I can tell baby”
“Company,” or watching the Terrace construction finally move ahead?
7. “Don’t assume cause I don’t respect assumptions, bae”
“Connect,” or your TA emailing you, “I suppose you’re all caught up with the readings and are ready for discussion this week?”
8. “Do you love this shit? Are you high right now? Do you ever get nervous? Are you single? I heard you fucked your girl, is it true? You gettin’ money?”
“HYFR,” or the quick preliminary questions when you arrive for a University Health Services walk-in?
9. “Two white cups and I got that drink/ Could be purple, it could be pink”
“I’m On One,” or wop?
10. “Isn’t it amazing, how you talk all this shit and we still lack communication?”
“Connect,” or your professor sending you four emails in three days about an upcoming exam, but not replying for two weeks when you have one question about the syllabus?
11. “I can see it in your eyes, you’re angry”
“Shot For Me,” or watching Chancellor Rebecca Blank bite her tongue as she discusses Gov. Scott Walker’s budget cuts?
12. “I’m willing to work it out however long it takes you”
“Deuces (Remix),” or standing in the Ian’s line at 1 a.m. Saturday no matter how far down Frances Street it stretches?
13. “I just hate sleeping alone”
“Hate Sleeping Alone,” or shaking and staring at the ceiling in your apartment in the sophomore slums, wondering what is making that noise and why don’t any of the doors lock?
14. “Why are we rushing and forcing it? This isn’t making sense”
“My Side,” or trying to haul-ass up Bascom even though the wheezing starts 20 feet in and we’re late to class anyway?
15. “Yes I make mistakes that I don’t ever make excuses for”
“Money to Blow,” or a spiteful retort to onlookers during game day when you’re sprawled across the bleachers halfway through the second quarter?
Yes, it is a lot to take in — just handle it one step at a time. As soon as “Jumpman” dropped you had to have known this was coming. Where did you think he learned to jump around like that?
