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Craps on campus: Futuristic flushes in Education Building

The Herald’s guide to the best (and worst) spots to poop on campus

by Patrick Ronan

December 13, 2015

As any Badger knows, a deep and holistic education is paramount to living a life of constructive global citizenship. Education stimulates and develops us as maturing adults, changing an empty mind into a mind that is filled with knowledge, wisdom and acceptance.

Pooping, on the other hand, inverts this honorable process by aiming to replace a filled colon with an emptied one. In this way, education and defecation can be seen as two noble virtues derived from the same principles. With this in mind, the bathrooms of the Education Building on Bascom Hill act as a symbolic family reunion, reuniting the two distant disciplines in a surprisingly chic and modern restroom.

Craps on campus: Dismal dumps in subterranean Science Hall

The entrance to this lavatory is one of its defining features. The massive mahogany door with a tastefully-worn brass handle may seem a little out of place at first, but it adds a much needed touch of extravagance to your excretory experience.

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The bathroom is not a spacious one. Only one toilet exists in the restroom, which may cause awkward poo-queues as users wait in line for their turn to let loose. Despite this spatial shortfall, the clean and modern design of this bathroom more than make up for the snug interior. Well-placed lights and creamy-white walls create an environment that seems straight out of a contemporary film in its appealing modernity, with minimalist modern design like the lobby of a Silicon Valley startup.

By far, the most interesting part of this bathroom is its futuristic flushing mechanism. The geniuses over at Sloan have created a highly sophisticated flusher that can be activated either manually or automatically. But wait, it doesn’t stop there. The flusher is also solar powered and has different flushing mechanisms for liquid and solid waste. This cutting-edge device also senses how long a user spends sitting on the porcelain throne, and will adjust the volume of water in a given flush accordingly.

This technology will undoubtedly have colossal consequences throughout the fecal field. The toilet manufacturers have already claimed this to be the first uncloggable toilet. This sounds like a challenge to us.