I was talking with my partner late at night when it slipped out. Two words, “love you.” I was even more surprised when they responded with a more casual, “love ya.” 

This got me thinking, has the “I” in “I love you” been replaced by the “I” in “Internet?” We type so fast — meanings can get lost in translation. Sometimes I think we forget that slowing it down and spelling it out can improve relationships.

This doesn’t even begin to cover the other problems that arise from dating in the age of social media. With instant access to so many different people, defining boundaries in relationships becomes increasingly difficult. 

Many University of Wisconsin students are having similar problems navigating relationships in the context of modern technology. By bringing these issues to light, we can learn and talk more openly about them. 

“I mean, there are these dating apps, but I think it’s definitely a bit difficult because [of the]… standards that people get,” said Nikita, a junior at UW. 

While social media can be shallow, it has the ability to introduce people who form deeper connections in real life. 

Unfortunately, some relationships don’t unfold as organically. Many times, I see young girls struggling with their partners engaging in “major-ick-behavior” on social media. If he’s in Sommer Ray’s likes, he’s not the one. Let me be clear to say this doesn’t only happen in heterosexual relationships. The lines get even more blurred once we take into account that sexual and gender binaries fail to include so many relationships. 

One girl said her friend’s partner was reposting TikTok videos of random girls dancing that looked nothing like her to the viral song “Austin” by Dasha. 

But does this constitute cheating? From liking other people’s pictures, following supermodels and even secretly interacting with people you find attractive, what’s right and wrong in modern relationships? 

Get to know yourself 

No matter who you are, you should explore what your boundaries and preferences are in a relationship, and then communicate them. The best part about this is that you can always change your mind. One thing my current partner showed me is that relationships teach you so much about yourself. I’ve learned that I’m more of a monogamist than I earlier thought, but you might come to different conclusions. 

It can feel scary to communicate your preferences with a partner, especially if your relationship is just beginning. But, being the romantic I am, I know the right person won’t be thrown off. As someone who has had past relationships where my partners made me feel like my boundaries were too much, I can tell you that now, with a great and supportive partner, it is possible to find someone who won’t. 

Setting boundaries 

When it comes to boundaries, it’s helpful to share your feelings once you understand them, so it doesn’t cause fights later. This can look like telling your partner you’re uncomfortable with certain behaviors on social media, or that you need a certain amount of alone time where you won’t be texting them. 

If your partner refuses to change their ways to make you more comfortable, that’s when I would say, “wake up and break up.” You should never compromise what makes you feel secure in a relationship for someone who isn’t willing to make a small compromise for you. I promise there’s a lot of people out there who won’t see your requests as too demanding. 

The good side 

One of the good parts about social media is that it connects long distance relationships, and allows you to meet people in all different parts of the world. 

“I think it’s more easy than before. Because of social media things, we can easily make more relationships than before the no-smartphone generation,” said Hwan Bae, a junior at UW. 

Raegan, a freshman, said her cousin found her husband on Tinder and they’re happily married. 

So, it’s not so black and white. Social media and the internet are not inherently good or bad for relationships, it just depends on how you use them. 

A “love ya” here and there is fine, but it’s completely doable to establish intimacy in modern romantic relationships. I suggest finding someone who’s willing to put the effort in to give you the relationship you deserve. And if there’s one thing you can take away from this, it’s that nobody’s relationship is perfect. Relationships in the modern age can be weird and messy and blurry and beautiful, and that’s okay.