Now that the series has reached its climax, let us (safely) help you reach yours.
The “Fifty Shades of Grey” era came to an end this month with the release of “Fifty Shades Freed,” the final film in the trilogy based off E.L. James’ books. The series sparked an increased interest in the world of BDSM play, spanning from flogs to butt plugs to sexual contracts.
Though the phenomenon started in 2012, many are still trying to understand how to utilize this type of play in their own sex lives, as the movies hardly offer a safe framework. BDSM, which stands for a combination of three acronyms for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and slave and master, spans a wide range of kinky interests.
After the release of James’ books and subsequent movies, the BDSM community claimed appreciation for the series because it brought their culture into the mainstream, but still noted many inaccuracies found in the film’s play.
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Unsurprisingly, the first steps to recreating some of the scenes from the film yourself is to find someone to do them with you. Personally, I would not recommend stalking someone that you met at a job interview as the primary way to develop this kinky relationship. Instead, Tinder is your friend.
The great thing about searching for a BDSM play partner on Tinder is that if they think you’re creepy with your want to try bondage, they can just unmatch you instead of throwing a drink in your face.
If you use dating apps to find a partner, make sure to get to know the person in real life first before attempting any activities. BDSM requires trust first and foremost, and that is best formed with time.
In the first installment of Fifty Shades of Grey, Ana encounters Christian Grey at her workplace, a hardware store. He buys rope, tape and cable ties, which are all presumably to be used for sexual activities. The sexual nature of the scene is enough to make any budding sadist want to go out to Ace Hardware and snatch up the first bundle of rope they see. However, this method is futile and can lead to major rope burns for any willing rope bunny.
Don’t spring for the cheap cotton variety — these fray easily and leave potential for an awkward situation necessitating safety scissors and patience. Remember aesthetic value is also important when providing for sexual scenarios, so don’t spring for the odd green colored rope with pink polka dots unless you have a “Barney the Dinosaur” fetish (not unheard of).
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If the person getting tied up is alright with a little discomfort, hemp rope is the best and most flexible option for beginners. Nylon rope is a good choice for the novice rigger who doesn’t wish to inflict a little discomfort on their riggee. Additionally, head to a sex store for body tape in lieu of duct tape in order to avoid a sticky situation.
Speaking of discomfort, it is important to note the difference between a dominant-submissive relationship and a sadomasochistic relationship. The driving factor behind a dominant-submissive relationship is power, whereas a sadist pleasures in delivering pain to a masochist, who loves receiving pain.
It is entirely possible to experiment with the power dynamics found in “Fifty Shades” without engaging in any painful exercises, An easy way to incorporate this into your typical sexual encounters is through word play. Experiment with calling your partner “sir” or giving more confident commands for sexual tasks.
Check back in next week for more Fifty Shades-inspired tips, including the infamous butt plug and a “breathless” good time.