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The Badger Herald

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The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Hump Day: Glow up with glow-in-the-dark condoms

Sex with a good laugh
Hump Day: Glow up with glow-in-the-dark condoms
Courtesy of Giphy user blinkee.com

Despite STI prevention and birth control campaigns’ tireless efforts to frame condoms as fun and exciting, most people do not find condoms sexy. In fact, many people believe condoms ruin the moment, hinder spontaneity or simply take too long to put on.

Particularly after the spread of HIV in the 1980s, manufacturers leapt to create condoms that customers would find enticing. Along with flavored condoms and other novelties, prophylactic producers created glow-in-the-dark condoms, appealing to adventure-seekers of all ages and backgrounds.

Rise and shine

In order to use a glowing condom, most brands must be exposed to light for 30 seconds. Be sure to unroll the condom onto the toy or penis during light exposure. If the condom remains rolled up, only the parts exposed to light will glow, resulting in rings of luminescence rather than a full-on light-saber effect.

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ONE brand condoms make glow in the dark condoms called “glowing pleasures,” and Night Light brand exclusively makes prophylactics that light up. Be sure to add some lube to the inside and outside of the condom to decrease the likelihood of breakage and increase pleasure for all parties involved.

All brands use the same design: a layer of nontoxic phosphorous pigment sandwiched between an inner and outer layer of regular latex used in most condoms. Glowing condoms provide the same level of protection against STIs and pregnancy as all other FDA-approved barrier methods, and since the glowing agent is surrounded by latex, these condoms are completely safe.

Of course, this means that many penises experience less sensation due to the thicker material. Folks hoping to delay ejaculation might find this beneficial, as the thicker material decreases sensitivity.

Reviews also claim that glowing condoms are smaller than average (perhaps due to more layers of material), so those with larger members should be aware that the condom might feel tighter than usual.

Hump Day: Why scheduling sex doesn’t have to kill spontaneity

Glow up

Folks interested in using glow-in-the-dark condoms should be aware luminescent barrier methods are a novelty item. Since their purpose is simply to light up (along with protecting against STIs and unplanned pregnancies) features associated with other condoms (sensitivity, lubrication, etc.) may not be up to standard.

Though many people using glow-in-the-dark condoms expect to see a blinding beacon of light, some consumers report the result is slightly dimmer than expected, and that the glow’s intensity decreases over time (usually after about 30 minutes).

Waiting 30 seconds to charge up a glowing condom can feel like eons during sexy time, when all we want to do is go at it. But those 30 seconds can fly by if we use the time to enhance foreplay by talking dirty or stroking one another.

Dirty talk can be as filthy as we like, everything from consent (“Do you want me to fuck you with my glowing dick?”) to narration (“I can barely wait to fuck you with my glowing dick.”). Plus, the suspense of waiting can be incredibly titillating for all parties.

Okay, so the condom is all charged up and ready to glow. Now what?

  1. Play Hide and Seek — turn off the lights and close your eyes while the partner wielding the glowing condom hides naked. Now try to find (and fuck) them!
  2. If all partners have phallic objects or body parts, channel that inner Jedi, complete with light-saber sound effects. Enjoy very much, you will.
  3. If participating in penetrative sex, use sex positions or mirrors that allow partners to watch the glowing shaft disappear into the orifice.
  4. Use a black light to enhance the glowing effects, and consider wearing glow in the dark bracelets or accessories to provide more phosphorescent fun. Just be careful not to break any bracelets open.
  5. Have a sense of humor. No one needs to be totally serious in the bedroom at all times, and novelty items such as glow-in-the-dark condoms are likely to give many people a serious case of the giggles. Laughter is sexy!
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