Happy Hump Day, Badgers! If you’re a senior like me, you’re probably getting ready to pick up your cap and gown and planning for the upcoming graduation ceremonies while both looking back on your time at UW and ahead to what the future will bring.

It’s been a crazy ride here at UW – especially working as a sex columnist. And while Sam and I have received tons of questions over the course of the year, on everything from anal sex to silent vibrators, we’ve also received tons of questions about what it’s like to be a sex columnist.

So for my last column, I’m doing something totally new: answering your questions about my personal life. Bear with me, because I’ve never done this before. Here goes nothin’.

How did you get a job as a sex columnist?

I read about the opening on the Badger Herald website and applied. I submitted my resume, interviewed with the ArtsEtc. editors, wrote a sample column and discussed the details of the position – just like for every other job I’ve ever applied for. I proposed new ways to spice up the column, and here I am.

But why would anyone want a job as a sex columnist?

I had pretty shitty sex education in high school, so when I couldn’t find someone who was willing to respect students’ choices of whether or not to have sex and act as a resource for those who choose to, I decided to try to become that person for others.

So are you a nympho sex addict or something?

No, I’m not a nympho sex addict, but I get that question a lot. And at bar time, that question usually sounds more like, “Ooh, you’re that sex columnist, so you wanna come home ‘n’ have sex with me”? (Not one bit.) Truth is, I’m just a student like you who wanted to get more involved on campus by doing something I’m interested in – writing.

Does writing the column make you super horny?

No. In fact, because writing the column is like writing an extra paper every week on top of school and work, I’m busier, more tired and usually less horny. Sorry to disappoint.

What do your friends and family think of the column?

For the most part, they think it’s funny. At first, my mom thought that people would read the column and stalk me, bless her heart. While my dad doesn’t read the column, he sees it as something interesting to put on my resume. And my grandpa said to me, “Mary, I’m 80 years old. If I haven’t learned it by now, it’s not gonna happen.”

How do other people react when you tell them you’re a sex columnist?

Most people have been taken aback at first, then very receptive (no pun intended). For example, when I was looking for a new apartment last year, I was following a landlord around during a tour when she turned back to me and said, “So you’re a journalist.” I panicked for a second. Did I mention working for the Herald when I talked to her on the phone? Will she be hesitant about renting to me if she finds out what I do? “I found your column when I Googled you,” she admitted. “My husband and I had a great time reading your sex toys article.” Sigh of relief.

Discussing the position during job interviews was a bit more challenging. As you may or may not know, sex in this country is tied closely to morals. As such, many potential employers assumed that my position as a sex columnist means that I’m outspoken and downright slutty, and hence “not a good fit” for the position. My response? A company that’s uptight and closed-minded that can’t see past the content to the actual skill behind my writing “isn’t a good fit” for me. Take my word for it: If people don’t respect and value you for who you are, fuck ’em.

How do you respond to the comments on the online version of your column?

There’s something about the freedom to comment anonymously on the Internet that brings out the worst in people. (Not convinced? Check out the comments on Rebecca Black’s “Friday” YouTube video calling for her suicide.) And while some of the comments that people have posted have been intentionally hurtful, I’m usually glad when someone points out a new way of looking at the topics I address because it offers an additional point of view to my readers. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from writing this column, it’s that you can’t please everyone when you write about a topic as controversial as sexuality, so you have to measure success by how much you can engage people with your topic.

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned as a sex columnist?

Oh God, I’ve learned so much, I don’t know where to start.  Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is that people are impossibly, beautifully diverse and to always respect those differences.

So who’s taking over when you leave?

Think you’ve got what it takes to be the next Badger Herald Hump Day columnist? Email [email protected] for more details about the position.

Badgers, it’s been real. Stay sexy.