The expression “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” typically evokes feelings of excitement and anticipation of attempting the unfamiliar, and in a city of romance and beauty, it’s easy to say most would love to live as fantastically as the Romans. Yet, if the well-known phrase implied in 2010’s latest rom-com, “When in Rome,” is suggesting audience members should jump off of a bridge to their deaths, then this sorry attempt at a chick flick has got one thing right.
“When In Rome” stars Kristen Bell (“Couples Retreat”) as Beth, a workaholic New Yorker who puts her love life second to her amazing career as a museum curator. Sound familiar? It’s because it might be the oldest, most overused and tiresome plot line in the chick flick hall of fame. Although she is glued to her Blackberry, ball-busting Beth finds it in her heart to fly to Rome for her sister’s fairytale wedding, where she meets the groom’s rugged best man, Nick, played with mediocrity by Josh Duhamel (“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”).
When Beth concludes all guys are the same sex-driven pigs who have screwed her over in the past, she decides to get wasted and wade around in the fountain of love, bitterly stealing the coins and wishes of those who have hoped for true romance. Obviously, stealing coins out of a magical fountain cannot end well, and so begins the chaos and slapstick absurdity of the remaining hour. The owners of the stolen coins immediately fall in love with Beth and begin forcefully attempting to win over her affection.
There really is no other way to say that this film was bizarre and even a bit disturbing. As the audience, we are aware these four creepers have fallen head over heels in love with Beth due to the magic of the fountain, but as far as she knows, four potentially dangerous stalkers begin breaking into her apartment, sprinting after her across Central Park and turning up at her work and attempting to make out with her. Beth handles the situation by simply running away, no questions asked, while the only rational thing to do would have been to call the cops, stat.
And despite the ludicrous plot of the movie, even the characters were nauseatingly unlikeable. After watching Bell as a supporting character in comedies like “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Couples Retreat,” she seemed to struggle as the romantic lead of her own movie. Severely lacking the spunk and charm of sweethearts like Sandra Bullock or even Katherine Heigl, as the movie dragged on, Bell just couldn’t hold her own with a body type resembling a 12-year-old boy and a strained smile that left her cross-eyed.
Weaving in and out of Beth’s stalkers, Nick’s attempt to pursue Beth came off as needy and rather unlikely. According to some of the more recent rom-coms like “The Ugly Truth” or “He’s Just Not That Into You,” acting like a psychotic and uptight bitch will land you your dream man, and “When in Rome” simply reinforces this twisted message. As Beth cries over past relationship drama on their first date and continuously asks Nick if their “love” is “real,” any normal dude would have been running for the hilltops. And ladies, listen up — acting like a crazoid will never come off as quirky or adorable. It just comes off as crazy.
Finally, as Beth’s aggressive pursuers, Will Arnett (TV’s “30 Rock”), Jon Heder (“Mama’s Boy”), Dax Shepard (“Baby Mama”) and Danny DeVito (TV’s “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”) were painful to watch as they delivered stupid lines and ran around New York acting like idiots.
Chick flicks by themselves can often be taken with a grain of salt. While some stand out above the rest, audiences usually leave the theater feeling entertained and lighthearted. Unfortunately, at a whopping 91 minutes, “When In Rome” could not have ended quickly enough. If you’re hoping for a cheery comedy whose purpose is to entertain, this movie will make you cringe in pain and demand a refund.
No stars.
