TONY:

On Wednesday night, Barbara Walters unveiled who she believes to be the most fascinating people of 2009. The fairly mundane list ranged from musical artists (Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga) to politicians (Sarah Palin) to athletes (Brett Favre), with Michelle Obama being named the most fascinating of all. Honestly, this ridiculous PR stunt begs the question “who really gives a fuck whom Walters thinks is fascinating?”

While we could follow in Walters’ decrepit steps and pick whom we think is the most fascinating person of 2009, Cailley and I think it’s far more interesting to pick the least fascinating person this year. You know, the person the media has spent the past year trying to make people care about, yet, we continue to not give a shit about anything he/she does. So with no further ado, I name Mr. Levi Johnston as the least fascinating person of 2009.

Let’s be honest, Bristol Palin’s baby-daddy is an absolute loser. The guy dropped out of high school to work in the Alaskan oil fields as an apprentice electrician. In his spare time, he managed to bring his shocker work to Bristol’s bedroom, but apparently not a condom. Johnston would later go on to leave Bristol after she had their baby. But, hey, you can’t say the guy didn’t love her. While the two were dating, Johnston had Bristol’s named tattooed on his finger after he lost his promise ring while hunting caribou. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Nowadays, Johnson works as an “aspiring” model and actor. But nobody cares if you are aspiring to be something. You have to actually do something first. So what did Johnston do? What he does best — he got naked. The aspiring model recently posed in a photo shoot for “Playgirl,” where he showed “glimpses” of but not his full “johnston,” but everybody knows nude shots only become fascinating if you go the full monty.

The guy also showed up at this year’s Teen Choice Awards with Kathy Griffin. Not only is this about the least fascinating couple ever, but it’s also creepy and disturbing.

All in all, this is certainly a guy who doesn’t belong in the news. However, he continues to attempt to fight his way in with the most ridiculous PR stunts that nobody cares about. For this reason, it’s hard to deny Levi Johnston is the least fascinating person this year, not to mention a douche.

CAILLEY:

Let’s face it: Levi Johnston is a worthless person. You’re certainly right on that one, Tony.

But I’ve got an even better, more worthless person who merits the title of our most un-fascinating person of the year award: Jon Gosselin.

Jon Gosselin is… oh so many things. He’s a man so obsessed with his own fame he allowed it to affect his role as a father to his small army of children. He’s largely absentee, instead focusing on getting his party on with various women of even less importance than himself, and once again, forgetting he fathered a small army of children.

And something must’ve gone wrong with the collective Gosselin clan if, as Us Weekly magazine reported today, the children already don’t believe in Santa Claus and are more than willing to tell other kids the same.

But just being a douchebag and possibly ruining the Christmas spirit for your kids doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t be fascinating. Sometimes, douchebag antics make you more fascinating. You could call this the “Tiger Woods effect.”

But Jon, really? Really? He’s nothing more than a waste of space. A man whose paunch enters a room before he does.

This is where I feel Levi Johnston has the advantage. He may be just as much of a famewhore as Jon Gosselin, yes, and one who’s more interested in showing off almost everything for Playgirl (with a well placed glove included) or being Kathy Griffiths’ date to the Teen Choice Awards (in this case, “teen choice” must include the choice to forget you’re a father) than caring for his infant child. But you know what, at least if hell froze over and I had to pick between him and Gosselin — it’s definitely Johnston.

But general hatred and physical digs aside, there’s one thing we have to keep in mind here — his ex, Kate Gosselin, actually did make it on the list of Barbara Walters’ most interesting people. And I just think, if the laws of yin and yang apply, someone has to be un-fascinating, and that’s without a doubt Jon. (Then again, I find her pretty un-fascinating as well, but if we’re picking sides, I’m donning a Kate wig with the best of them.)

So although Levi Johnston is known more for his johnson than anything, he is, although I admit this in utter shame, slightly more interesting than Jon Gosselin, and therefore not the least fascinating person of the year.

Oh, and Jon, does it hurt that your wife made Barbara’s list and you didn’t?