Yesterday was World AIDS Day. As someone who volunteers for the AIDS Network of Wisconsin, it was a great opportunity to spread the word on getting tested. Fact: every county in Wisconsin has at least one person living with AIDS. It’s not just a San Francisco or New York thing. Which brings me to this week’s question:
Is it awkward to ask if someone has an STD before sex or fooling around?
— Curious Roommates
Unfortunately, the answer is yes. People don’t ask and don’t tell. I’ve heard scary stories from friends, who, upon discovering that there were no condoms to be had, were quickly asked if they had any diseases, and a quick “no” from both parties was exchanged. All of these stories involved heavy intoxication and the post-coital hope that everything would be OK.
Ladies and gentlemen, no. This is not how safe sex is done. Even during dry spells, I keep plenty of condoms on hand just in case. My friends/neighbors/acquaintances know if they need a condom, they can always ask me. The pregnancy thing should be enough to freak you out into using one. Hopefully you are aware that pulling out is not an effective method of birth control. But the real non-discriminating monster in the bedroom is the STD, and you can pick up those bad boys up no matter if you’re after cock or pussy. Always, always, always use a condom on any penetrating object.
Sex Out Loud, located on the third floor of the Student Activity Center, is like a condom wonderland. All different shapes, sizes and textures are represented. The best part? It’s free for students! Go ahead and be a condom snob. Try different ones out and be knowledgeable of which ones you like best. Take your partner to personalize your sexual safety.
And please, get tested. If you notice any irregularities down there, the UHS Blue Bus Clinic is there to help. Milwaukee, which is just two hours from our fair city, has the second highest chlamydia rate in the U.S., according to a 2009 study. Left untreated, this could cause serious health risks including chronic pain and sterility. It only takes a day or two to clear up after treatment.
Something that doesn’t bear that optimism is HIV. The single most stigmatized disease in the world, it once meant a lifetime of shame and isolation. But I’m happy to say that’s changing. People are living longer, fuller lives thanks to advances in anti-retroviral treatment. Support networks, like the AIDS Network of Wisconsin, provide everything from groceries to condoms to clean needle exchanges. Free and confidential testing is provided every weekday from 2 to 4:30 p.m. (Wednesdays until 6:30 p.m.), no appointment necessary.
Studies of HIV-discordant couples (one with, one without) have shown with continuous condom usage, the uninfected partner has a good chance of remaining HIV-negative. Condoms should be a staple in the bedroom, but they can’t protect you from everything.
If you have a condition, you have an obligation to tell your partner. Think of it this way: would you rather be up-front about having herpes, or have your partner find out, flip out and tell everyone else what an asshole you are? Honesty wins.
To naysay alcohol on a college campus, especially this one, will not win me readership. I love a good brewski as much as anyone. Cranking down the quality of the beverage and cranking up the volume consumed (your typical house party fare), and you’ve got a sickly situation on your hands. Most of us have had our share of drunken idiocy, which may go no further than puke-stained shirt and a good story. But sometimes this high-volume consumption can lead to more than blurred vision. It can lead to blurred consent.
Be aware of when you are too drunk to fuck. Did you just throw up? Call it a night, alone. Whoever is jonesing you should follow that very same rule. If your partner is too drunk, even if he/she seems game for a “good” time, don’t do it. Crystal clear consent from both parties is necessary for sex not to be assault. If you aren’t sure if what you are doing is OK, it’s not.
The three C’s of lovin’ should be engrained in every college student: communication, condoms and consent. Make sure all three are present during your next steamy session and keep sending in your fabulous questions.
Nikki is a political science and religious studies major and a facilitator for Spill. The AIDS Network of Wisconsin, UHS and Sex Out Loud do not necessarily endorse these views. Comments? Questions? E-mail: [email protected].
