Hey there sex fans! It’s time for another (a)rousing edition of Hump Day fun! This week we have a question from a concerned young woman who realizes things just ain’t how they should be:

Hi,

I read your column every Wednesday, and I have a few questions. For all practical purposes, the guy I’ve been seeing for the last six weeks is my boyfriend. I was wondering how you handle moments when 1. His erection goes away 2. He can’t find your vagina hole 3. He is too tall (we’ve tried girl on top… still doesn’t work) 4. He may be too small (meaning I’m pretty sure he slips out) 5. He talks up how much he’s going to make me scream and then can’t perform.

Of course he’s gets embarrassed and I’ve tried boosting his confidence, and being patient, but it’s not working! Any suggestions?

— Intercourse Requires Knowledgeable Expert Discussion

I picked this question because it brings out several basic points that are not discussed nearly enough. Looking at your situation, IRKED, things seem pretty sad. A gut reaction for many readers is “dump that shit” and move along to what must be bigger and better things. But I am quick to say to hold thy horses, because what you are not describing to me is probably what kept you around for six weeks in the first place, and why you are happy to christen the term “boyfriend” over “fuck buddy.” You like him beyond the fact that the sex is kinda sucking right now, and you really want to do what you can to make it better for the both of you. That is why I’m very happy to bestow any knowledge I can, because sex is best when understood as a learning process and not a gift from the gods.

Alrighty, IRKED, time for some answers. Point No. 2 can be remedied by him getting better acquainted with your anatomy. There can be that awkward moment before insertion when his tip can’t quite find your destination, but a little manual guidance should be able to shore that up in a second or two. The more complex the position, the more manual readjustment could be necessary (because no matter the size, the curvature of the penis may cause it to slip out). I am not by any means discouraging you from trying new and potentially mind-blowing poses, but expect it will not always be smooth sailing when you first try them out. Your bodies may not fit together as well as you expect them to, and that’s actually a good thing, because it leaves room for position alteration that can take it to a whole new level. Practice makes perfect!

This transitions well to points No. 3 and 4, because sex positions are not one-size-fits-all. Never look at physical traits as a liability, but rather as an opportunity. Take advantage of his height by indulging in some desktop/douchebag roommate’s BP tabletop sex. Sit on the edge and lay back, legs up. Here he joecan penetrate you, and tall but small means nothing at all. If the table’s a bit lower, he might have to bend his knees to get at the right height for some good thrusting. If you want to really feel him here, shut your legs to constrict the opening of the vagina, which should feel amazing for you both.

I say this all this as a starting point, and perhaps to get you out of the missionary and girl-on-top monotony. Only focusing on the success of a few positions can lead to feeling like sex “doesn’t work” between the two of you, when in reality it always can.

“Not if he loses his erection!” you point out, and that’s why I want to take time in this article for a little breather. Literally. I recently attended a “Yoga for Better Sex” workshop put on by Sex Out Loud and Natalia and Isaac Hacerola of A Perfect Knot. Doing the actual positions for the first time in a while made me understand why yoga practitioners have such incredible bodies, but what really got me thinking were the breathing exercises. By focusing on how the entire body is affected by the act of inhaling and exhaling, you can draw much deeper breaths that send more blood to more places.

In particular, the Hacerolas brought up the concept of the pelvic floor. Ladies, when breathing in, allow all muscles of the torso to go loose, especially the oft-forgotten Kegels. When breathing out, actively squeeze the air our slowly by constricting abs, Kegels and the anus. It’s just like any other muscle workout; enough exercise and those muscles are going to be tight. Too small? Not in your book! The pelvic floor as a concept encourages one to focus and engage on the pelvic area when breathing, which can definitely lead to easier arousal. Gentlemen, you have a pelvic floor too, and by engaging it when you breathe can naturally stimulate that area, resulting in longer, harder erections. Awesome!

All of these improvements won’t happen overnight, and sometimes patience is required before things go from lukewarm to en fuego. But really, in this job, the research is the best part. Allow yourselves to laugh at attempts gone awry — sex is not a suave activity! The emotional bonds formed can make it easier to be comfortable around each other, allowing more open communication (come on, you were wondering when I was gonna bring it up) and make IRKED’s point No. 5 a much more doable reality, for the both of you.

Nikki is a political science and religious studies major and a facilitator for Spill. Natalia and Isaac Hacerola are certified yoga instructors at A Perfect Knot Yoga Center. Spill and Sex Out Loud do not necessarily endorse these views.