TONY:

With Pixar’s re-release of the first two “Toy Story” films in 3-D this weekend, it only seems fitting to remind the galaxy why Buzz Lightyear has more than just karate-chop action at his disposal when it comes to beating Woody.

Now, it’s no mystery that Buzz gets a lot of crap for being the brand new space toy. But can you really blame Buzz for that? I mean, honestly, which one of us as kids didn’t want to play with the new toy more? Not to mention Buzz has a liquid adamantium-nitrogen layer suit. Now I don’t know what the hell that means, but throw any two awesome-sounding, nonsensical words together and I’ll jump on the bandwagon.

It’s not just the gadgets that make Buzz the better toy, though. Upon arriving in Andy’s room, Buzz’s amiable personality immediately wins over the other toys. He helps Rex with his roar and he even lets incompetent toys help fix his spaceship. What is Woody doing during all of this? He mopes around, worried that he’s no longer the only woody popping up around Bo Peep anymore.

Sure, he is a little egotistical, but come on, the guy has a fucking laser. You wield that kind of power and not be a tad bit arrogant. Besides, hubris is a defining characteristic of every classic hero, and while other heroes allow their prideful downfall to be their demise, Buzz has his downfall — literally — but, like the badass he is, manages to get back up again and save the day.

There’s also the matter of catchphrases. “To infinity and beyond” is one of Disney’s most memorable lines. In fact, check out any Disney montage featuring “Toy Story,” and you are guaranteed to hear that line. What are Woody’s lines? “Somebody’s poisoned the waterhole.” “There’s a snake in my boot.” Clearly the man is a paranoid nutcase. Nobody wants that in a toy.

All this is secondary, however, to the fact Buzz is unquestionably the hero of the films. Woody would have been left reaching for the sky had Buzz not fallen in style with him to safety. And it’s Buzz who runs off and saves Woody’s cowboy hide when the Chicken Man kidnaps him in the sequel.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m looking for the coolest toy, it’s definitely Buzz Lightyear to the rescue.

CAILLEY:

Tony, there’s not a lasso in the world that’ll win you a victory here. Let’s settle this once and for all: Woody is the superior toy in the toy box.

As the classic cowboy, Woody is the symbol of rustic America at its best — the Wild West. And he’s not just any cowboy here, but with Woody, you’re dealing with the sheriff. By comparison, Buzz is a “space ranger” (whatever the hell that is), and I’m pretty sure “sheriff” is a more powerful position than “space ranger.”

But here’s the kicker: If you’ve seen “Toy Story,” you know Buzz Lightyear is pretty much clinically insane. Unlike Woody, whose mentality is pretty grounded, Buzz firmly believes he’s a bona fide space ranger whose “lasers” can actually maim people. And who thinks he’ll suffocate when his helmet is retracted. That alone seals the deal.

You could say the crazy stops by the end of “Toy Story,” but miraculously, it doesn’t. If you watch the trailer for the upcoming “Toy Story” and “Toy Story 2” double feature in 3-D, you’ll find Buzz Lightyear repeatedly running into the camera “to break into the third dimension.” Knowing a guy like that was qualified to be a space ranger is utterly terrifying.

More importantly, though, Woody is a doll with value. As we know from “Toy Story 2,” Woody, in good condition, is worth a good amount of cash, as well as a spot in a toy museum in Japan.

Furthermore, Woody not only has value, but he’s part of a franchise. He’s got sidekicks, a TV show and a slew of products with his name on it. Fuck, he even has a theme song (“Woody’s Roundup,” anyone?). Where’s Buzz Lightyear’s theme song? Oh yeah, that’s right: he didn’t have one.

You could say Buzz was also part of a franchise. But by “Toy Story 2,” he was obsolete; there was a new Buzz Lightyear with an awesome utility belt.

Tony, there really is no arguing with me on this one. Yeah, Buzz has wings. Yeah, he’s all “spacey,” but when you’re dealing with a toy as wacked-out as Buzz, you might as well be dealing with Chucky. And no one wants that.

Oh, and by the way, need I say how superior Tom Hanks is to Tim Allen? It’s like comparing Neil Patrick Harris to Jon Cryer (yes, I’m still hung up on that).