The term “cover band” generally evokes images of no-talent or quasi-talent hacks butchering “Back in Black” or “Sweet Caroline” in a half-full bar with billowing cigarette smoke and the stench of Jack Daniel’s.

The idea of cover bands seems ridiculous on the surface. Really, what’s the point of seeing a band play material by other people when you can just replace them with an iPod or DJ? Certainly, that argument is reasonable. For many people, the studio version is the way to go. And even if the live version is as good, the original performers would be most desired for a live setting.

That said, replacing a cover band with a DJ removes the live atmosphere. It’s true that the studio version — by the original band — is probably better than some cover band’s interpretation, but the live setting allows for audience participation as well as that once-in-a-lifetime experience of concerts.

That experience is especially important with respect to parties or weddings. The studio version of the Isley Brothers’ party staple “Shout” is perfectly tailored to audience participation but, being a recording, it can only last so long. A cover band, on the other hand, can get “a little bit softer now” or “a little bit louder now” as many times as they damn well please — or, as many times as the audience damn well pleases. A cover band can jam on and on, keeping the groove sustained for an extended period.

From a musician’s perspective, starting in a cover band can give budding musicians the experience and, more importantly, the confidence needed to give quality performances. Playing in a cover band can also help a member get over glossophobia. In short, cover bands can help inspire musicians to greater achievements. A guitarist, after having played “Here Comes the Sun” 50 times, could think to his/herself one day, “Hey, I could write something like that.” I’m not suggesting that just anyone can sit down and write pop gems like George Harrison, but at least they can be inspired to try.

One notable instance, of course, is U2. U2 formed in the ’70s, attempting covers of The Eagles and the Moody Blues. Soon after, they discovered that they — as Bono told Rolling Stone back in 2005 — were “really crap at it.” The band realized that they weren’t “able to play other people’s songs.” It was this realization that ultimately forced the band to write original material because it was “easier.”

Conversely, Phish have acted as a cover band on a few choice occasions after they became famous. Back in the ’90s, they played four Halloween shows where they put on a musical costume by playing one set consisting of a classic album in its entirety. On Halloween 1994, they played The Beatles, 1995 was The Who’s Quadrophenia, 1996 was Talking Heads’ Remain in Light and 1998’s costume was Velvet Underground’s Loaded.

So cover bands are not all as bad as the stereotype above suggests. The same cannot be said for tribute bands. Whereas cover bands are a fun and viable substitute to DJs, tribute bands, most of them anyway, make me phyiscally ill.

Here’s the thing about tribute bands: They’re good if you can’t see the real thing, either because the real band broke up or because you can’t afford to see them. They’re the margarine of the food world. Thus, while they can never replace the real thing, they can sometimes provide a decent alternative.

That said, tribute bands are the bane of live music. To hear some jackass howl and prance around the stage to “Black Dog” causes a little piece of my soul to die. No one sounds like Robert Plant and no one ever will. So stop trying. Covering a song and paying tribute to it are not synonymous.

It’s just that a tribute band is a little too close to those “Star Wars” fanboys that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog pissed all over on “Late Night.” It’s great that someone appreciates Led Zeppelin or The Beatles that much, but at the same time appreciation and obsession are two different worlds entirely.

Then there are the names. A quick Google search of “Metallica tribute band” finds bands named Battery and Damage Inc., both of which are songs from Metallica’s Master of Puppets. Interestingly enough, both bands claim to be “the premiere Metallica tribute band.” Damage Inc. goes as far as qualifying that statement on their website: “Not to be confused with posers using our well-established name for their benefit.” Actually, using a Metallica song as your band name is using a well-established name for your benefit. I wouldn’t go as far as calling tribute bands “posers,” but now I may have to reconsider.

At any rate, there are many things in music worse than cover bands. They supply society with cheap entertainment, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you happen across someone in a cover band on the street, be sure to thank those people for their public service. If, however, those people play in a tribute band, be sure to cross to the other side. And notify the police.

Steve Lampiris is a senior majoring in political science. Want to write a tribute to Steve? E-mail him your ideas at [email protected].