Cheap Nothing’s new album, Women’s Body Parts, suggests an anatomy lesson of some kind but instead leaves listeners plagued with uncomfortable lyrics and awkward vocals that fail to captivate.
The album opens with “Go Bulls.” The lyrics do not reference the Chicago basketball team (Cheap Nothing is based out of Indianapolis); instead lead vocalist Scott Comanzo sings about various elementary school crushes, the result producing scattered lyrics leading nowhere. “In the fourth or fifth grade/ Shortly after turning eight/ You asked me to spell your name/ But by the sixth grade it was too late/ There was a new girl in town/ She had short curly hair.” Comanzo’s voice — which sounds a bit like Kurt Cobain in need of a large dose of Gas-X — is not a treat for the ears, and neither is “Go Bulls.”
Upon a cursory glance at the album jacket, the second track immediately stood out: “Chlamydia.” I was pleased to learn this song doesn’t falsely advertise: It is actually about the sexually transmitted infection. “You’ve given me everything/ Chlamydia, Chlamydia, Chlamydia, Chlamydia/ Take this powder and you’ll feel much better,” sings Malachi Black on the slow, bluesy track amid Broadway-esque “Aahs” in the background. Whoever gave him the STI and why he feels snorting something will remedy his problem is not elaborated on in the song. Despite the odd subject, “Chlamydia” is one of the more catchy cuts on the album.
Although the press release calls the album a “tribute to women,” the lyrics of the fourth track, “The Girl Who Didn’t Want to Think,” suggests the opposite is true. Sounding like someone speaking too close to the ear with accentuated consonants and a flat tone, Comanzo sings, “Time alone won’t be a problem anymore/ I’ll hire some goons to take care of you so be a good girl.” It sounds like kidnap to me.
Just to be sure listeners haven’t forgotten about STIs, Women’s Body Parts has a “Chlamydia” reprise in track eight. “Relapse” is more upbeat than the original track, and the song consists entirely of the word “Chlamydia” repeated again and again, so fortunately it is less than a minute long.
The second-to-last track, “My Favorite Girl,” seems to be a happy song about a love interest until Comanzo starts singing about committing suicide because she pleases him. “I wanna die/ She makes me so happy/ I wanna die but I can’t cause I don’t have a knife.” The lyrics continue in the desperate mindset for a while, and when they complete, seven minutes and 26 seconds of recorded silence begin. Expecting great things, I listened to the entire 10-minute track while anxiously waiting for something so mind-blowing it deserved minutes of nothingness as a prelude. There was nothing to look forward to.
The final, untitled track is solely instrumental, with profanities spoken at random. It sounds like Cheap Nothing is warming up, and the motley sounds and simple melodic phrases repeated endlessly is headache-inducing.
Any points Cheap Nothing earned for singing about chlamydia were quickly lost due to their lack of evocative lyrics and inspired instrumentals that make bands like Nirvana sound like a symphonic orchestra.
1 out of 5 stars
