"South Park" is back.
To celebrate the premiere of its 11th season, I've decided to list off my top five favorite "South Park" episodes ever. However, since the DVD "South Park — The Hits, Vol. 1" contains Trey Parker and Matt Stone's top 10 episodes as well as four fan favorites, which does such a good job of recognizing many of the best, I have decided to ignore those episodes entirely. Most of those choices are indeed great, but I would prefer not to retread Parker and Stone's picks. Fans should definitely check out the DVD, especially those whose budget is too tight to get the separate seasons, but here are the sometimes-overlooked best of the rest.
No. 5: "Sexual Harassment Panda"
(Season Three) — The title alone is absurd. But by mixing absurdity with a valid argument — a practice "South Park" has perfected — the episode presents a witty depiction of America's quick-to-sue attitude.
Cartman sues Stan for sexual harassment after Stan calls Cartman an "ass-sucker" during a classroom demonstration by Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda. Soon after, due to school budget cuts, the Sexual Harassment Panda is fired and travels to the amusingly named Island of Misfit Mascots. Meanwhile, South Park has gone lawsuit-crazy.
The real genius of this episode, however, derives from the muffled and memorable Sexual Harassment Panda theme song.
No. 4: "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow"
(Season Nine) — This episode is a hilarious parody of the laughably over-the-top disaster film "The Day After Tomorrow." In addition, the episode also functions as a general jab at people's panic over global warming, as well as the clumsy handling of Hurricane Katrina.
Stan and Cartman accidentally crash a boat into a dam in a nearby town, causing a flood. The nation ridiculously blames the catastrophe on global warming. One of my favorite moments in the entire history of "South Park" occurs when the citizens are running away from "global warming" (in actuality, what I'd consider the camera) and one of them falls down and is "consumed" by its power, only to lie still for a few moments and curiously glance back.
Finally, the show concludes with Stan admitting to the town that he broke the dam, and after some consideration, individual townspeople step forward and share the blame, each hilariously stating, "I broke the dam."
No. 3: "Chickenlover"
(Season Two) — With his boisterous voice and extreme incompetence, Officer Barbrady has always been one of my favorite characters. Needless to say, when the creators finally gave him the spotlight for an episode, it became an instant classic.
Officer Barbrady's illiteracy becomes publicly known, and he is forced to go back to school to learn to read. Meanwhile, a man is having sex with chickens around town, and the only way to find out where he is going to strike next is to read various children's books. Barbrady makes the four central characters honorary deputies, prompting a few top-notch "Cops" parodies featuring Cartman. This leads to the debut of Cartman's famous catchphrase, "Respect my authority!"
There were two more long overdue appearances by Officer Barbrady in Season Nine, both in which his voice sounded oddly off, almost as if Parker had forgotten how to do it. Hopefully he gets his act together, because I crave more Barbrady.
No. 2: "A Ladder to Heaven"
(Season Six) — This is one of those episodes that makes me wonder: which came first, the concept or the song?
The boys get national attention when they begin to construct a ladder to heaven to see their deceased friend Kenny. The boys' actual plan is actually much less touching than assumed; they are trying to talk to Kenny in order to find a candy shopping spree ticket he had in his possession before his death.
In another of my all-time favorite moments, country singer Alan Jackson sees this as an opportunity to make a quick buck off of the perceived sentimentality of the boys' mission and writes a song about the ladder to heaven in which he rhymes "heaven" with "9/11." He goes on to humorously repeat 9/11 over and over as the citizens begin to weep from the memories it evokes and shell out cash for his album.
No. 1: "The Biggest Douche in the Universe"
(Season Six) — What other TV show can boast two separate episodes with "douche" in the title? (The other being the 2004 election satire "Douche and Turd," which definitely deserves an honorable mention).
This is the fourth episode in a row from Season Six to make either my list or "The Hits" DVD (my No. 2, "The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers," "The Death Camp of Tolerance," and now this.) Parker and Stone were clearly on a roll in November 2002, and "Biggest Douche" is the funniest of them all. It combines three elements I find endlessly amusing: an intelligent and accurate mocking of "Crossing Over" host John Edward, several parodies of Rob Schneider movies and the triumphant return of Chef's parents.
I considered putting Season Three's "The Succubus" on the list simply because it introduced us to Chef's parents, but decided this episode more than covers their brilliance. Chef takes Cartman, who is possessed with Kenny's soul, to his parents' house in Scotland for an exorcism. Aside from an amusing reference to their "three-fiddy" Loch Ness Monster tall tales, Chef's mother utters the hysterical line, "Oh Lord, they didn't bring a victim child."
Don't be surprised when these episodes end up on the DVD, "South Park — The Hits, Vol. 2," and if Wednesday's clever premiere is any indication, even more episodes still to come.
Mike Peters is a senior focusing on communication arts, film and business. Want to start a never-ending cylce of favorite "South Park" line-swapping? E-mail Mike at [email protected].
