It's Friday night. You just enter a party and immediately notice that confident boy tossing back a beer while talking with his friends. Occasionally, you succeed in holding his glance, and from time to time, he smiles.
In class, you can't help but notice the seductive girl that slyly grins your way, leaving you wanting to know more. She has a mysterious air about her that you can't get out of your head.
In both these cases, there's a catch: The person you've been fantasizing about already is in a relationship. Isn't it just always the case that the ones most desirable are always snagged by someone else?
What exactly is it that attracts us to these unattainable lovelies? Well, it's a combination of things. Luckily, I've experienced this from both sides. So, for your convenience, I've come up with a list of reasons to help you cope and understand this puzzling phenomenon.
People in relationships are more cool and collected — They don't go out of their way to acknowledge people of the opposite sex because they already have someone at home. They don't go to parties having the "I hope I get to hook up with someone hot tonight" mentality. Instead, they go out to bond with their friends, get a little drunk and escape the monotonous weekday rut we all like to call school. As a result, these people are not the crazy drunk girl dancing on the table or the obnoxious boy doing keg stands all night. They are the people chilling out, exuding an air of maturity, not belligerency. Perhaps it's the fact that they are different that attracts us.
The flirty tease — Someone sexy approaches you, and immediately the two of you click. You're both starting to get the vibes that maybe it's time for some one-on-one time, and suddenly … you get cock blocked. For those of you unfamiliar with the phrase "cock block," I'll give you an example. A guy is chatting up a girl and is about to make his move when he is blatantly interrupted. The guy's friend stops him because (gasp) he already has a girlfriend, or the girl's friend might block her because (gasp) she's taken as well. Either way, a cock blocker prevents any sort of mingling to occur.
But if there was a reason for this cock blocking, why was the person so flirty in the first place? The way I look at it, there could be two possible reasons. One, he or she has been spending the weekends watching movies with the significant other as of late and is just letting loose on a night on the town. The other (the more likely of the two), is they just want to tease you … and maybe make their boyfriend or girlfriend a little jealous in the process.
They are confident, perhaps even bordering on cocky — Let's face it, who wants someone who is always second-guessing him or herself? That's way unattractive. We want people who know they're hot and aren't afraid to embrace it. And not only are they totally comfortable with themselves, they also know that they are desired or they already have someone who wants them. So, don't be surprised if the most confident person in the room just shrugs you off. This person may be sick of suitors trying to court him at every opportunity. This leads me into my next point.
Guys and girls in relationships are experts at playing hard to get — How hot is it when, at the end of the night, you ask for someone's number and they slyly say, "Hmm … I don't think so?" That's pretty hot. Having a dismissive attitude is the oldest trick in the book to becoming desirable. So where do you go from there? Well, what you don't do is find them on Facebook. Not only is that unattractive, it's creepy, and there is no way you will score that number if you follow that path. What you do instead is play their game. Leave things on an enigmatic note. I know this can be hard to do, and if you give in and creep them out on Facebook, when you see them again, it will be awkward. Have faith that you will run into that person again. Even though we have a big school, it's not uncommon to run into the same person at multiple parties.
So, that is basically my insight as to why the people in relationships are always the ones who attract the most attention. Although it's not cool to go the home-wrecking route, it's okay to be interested in someone who's off the market. This is college, and most relationships don't last that long, so chances are the next time you bump into that sexy person, he or she will be single and ready to mingle. And since you played your cards right the first time, you may just be in luck.
Jenny Kalaidis is a freshman majoring in communication arts and journalism. Send your relationship questions, comments, and tales of sexual escapades to [email protected].
