Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Real or fake, just be sure it’s great

Scratching. Moaning. Biting. Screaming. Shaking. These all (hopefully) occur during an especially frisky sexual escapade. You're making your lady feel so good, she's clawing at your back, panting in your ear, and begging for more. When all of the above happen, you know you've done your job. You are a sex god.

This is probably the case for many of you guys out there. You finish, your lady finishes, and you roll over, job well done… or is it?

Fellas, just to reiterate what was installed in your mind when you were just young boys, women are very talented beings. Aside from cooking, cleaning, shopping, becoming CEOs, and potentially ruling the world, one of our many talents includes acting. We live for acting, whether it be at a bar giving out a fake name and life story, or telling a little fib to our girlfriends about how cute (ugly!) their new hairstyles look.

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I'd wager that a good few of you men have been totally played by one of these sirens at one time or another, with the most classic example about how "pleasured" your ladies may have been while going at it. I'm going to be blunt, because there's no nice way to say it: A lot of girls fake orgasms.

Why, might you ask, would someone want to fake an orgasm? The answer is quite simple. It takes more calculated stimulation to get a girl off. Sure, we masturbate just like you do. However, it takes more than a jerky hand job to bring us over the edge. Therefore, in bed it takes more precision and skill to complete the job, and quite frankly, many of you just aren't quite up to par. So what to do we have to do, in order to protect your fragile ego? We fake.

So you must be perplexed, wondering why girls have such difficulty when you have such a breeze. Well I would love to enlighten you, but truthfully I don't know why it takes more for girls to get off than guys, but it does. While you've all been able to orgasm since about fifth grade, some of us are still yet to experience "becoming a woman." In fact, multiple sex studies have shown that many women in their 20s and even 30s not only experience difficulties in achieving an orgasm, some have never even experienced one at all.

So what to do, when time after time, many girls resort to arching their backs, screaming the dirtiest phrases that pops in their heads, and moaning like crazy — while still being left feeling dry?

Unfortunately, many men aren't able to realize that this little show is nothing but, well, a little show. And what's so tragic about all this is that these guys will go on and keep "pleasuring" these women, while these women are inwardly rolling their eyes and growing more frustrated by the day. Basically, unless a girl is upfront enough to tell the guy what to do that makes her feel good, he will forever be unsure if her sexitude is the real thing or not, and this is the worst situation to be in for both sides.

Let's take a relationship where the couple's had sex numerous times. It's going well, the guy's feeling good and the girl appears to be enjoying herself. Then, suddenly, the girl drops the act for a moment and isn't quite convincing enough. The guy catches her in that split second and things immediately go down from there.

Now every time the two of them go at it again, the guy will think he has something to prove. Perhaps he will be rougher, more eager and more determined. Ladies, when this is the case, you know that you need to switch things up. Sex isn't just sex anymore, sex becomes a mission: Guy must get girl off. It becomes some sick obsession that isn't cured until they've accomplished their goal. Luckily, if it gets that bad, we women can always put on our game face and make them feel like men again, but where does that leave us?

This whole column may sound very mean, and I'm not trying to make that the case. What I want to make clear is this: Girls are not guys, sexually or emotionally. Preferred sex for one person is completely different for the other, from the foreplay all the way to the position of choice. And while guys have a better physiology to orgasm, girls require something more than just a quick swift of the hand.

Remember guys, sometimes it's not your fault at all — she could be preoccupied, stressed or maybe just not in the mood to begin with. Also remember that faking is some sort of female genetic code, and that no matter what, you will most likely encounter it — whether or not you're aware of it. The best remedy for this problem is having both partners being open with each other. If we know what we like, why not say it?

Girls, instead of faking and being left unpleasured, let your guy know what feels good. He will be more than happy to comply with your demands; trust me. This simple trick will not only give you the pleasure you so deserve, it will give your guy yet another thing to stroke his ego over.

Jenny Kalaidis is a freshman majoring in communication arts and journalism. Send questions, comments, and tales of sexual escapades to [email protected].

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